Caroline Kennedy and Karyn Greenstreet: The Million Dollar Difference

“I’m short, fat and have red hair.”

That’s how Karyn Greenstreet told me I’d recognize her. I laughed when she said it; her self-deprecating humor tickled me. A few days later, when meeting the well-known speaker and business coach at a conference, in a crowded hotel lobby, I recognized her instantly, and liked her immediately. Everything about Karyn was congruent and seemed to add to her confidence, which in turn, added to her credibility. By day’s end, everyone who attended her sessions felt the same way.

Congruency is something I think too few of us understand when it comes to success and our careers. According to the research, people make up their minds about us within the first second or two of meeting us. If we aren’t crystal clear about who we are and what we’re doing, it comes across. When we aren’t congruent, it’s almost like putting an invisible question mark over our name and image. Then, no matter how good we are in our entrepreneurial or corporate ventures, the cloud of uncertainty sticks in the minds of those we meet; unfortunately, it negatively impacts our career – and usually we can never figure out why.

It’s like Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg. For all the political power of the Kennedy machine, most people thought that Caroline Kennedy either didn’t really want the job or wasn’t qualified for it. It didn’t matter that her press statements insisted that she believed she would make a good senator for New York. When it came to her interviews, her incongruence was painfully obvious. Even worse, it was in stark contrast to the strong messages she conveyed during appearances in support of then-candidate Barack Obama. Unfortunately, when it came to her own prospects for Congress, Ms. Schlossberg never really seemed to embrace the idea of political life. In the end, she withdrew her name from consideration.

Do you think you are more like Karyn Greenstreet or Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg? How congruent are you? Does everything match? Do your attitudes and words match your look and behaviors?

If you aren’t getting where you want to go, maybe you need to look inside as well as outside, and ask yourself if the messages you are sending out to the public line up with what’s going on in your head and heart. Maybe there conflicts going on that you might not be aware of, but which others can clearly see.

If you don’t feel your passion for a business or a topic, others will feel it. If you are touting talking points you don’t fully embrace, others will know. If your work doesn’t match your values, it will show.

Which brings me back to Karyn Greenstreet…

Karyn’s passion is small business. Earlier this month she spoke for my National Speakers Association Mid-Atlantic chapter’s annual conference. She spoke about Search Engine Optimization (SEO) for small businesses. She delivered two great presentations and wowed our attendees with her knowledge and generosity in sharing information. Her coaching business is thriving and I believe it isn’t only because she’s knows her stuff. She does, of course, but also, she’s totally jazzed about what she does. She’s authentic from the inside out – and so self-accepting that she makes short, fat and red hair a plus for her image. People see her, feel how real she is, and believe she’s got what they need.

Check out Karyn’s website at www.passionforbusiness.com

New Year's Resolution - Success Tips for Women

New Year, New You, right? HARDLY!

Did you know that women are more likely than men to make New Year's Resolutions (74% vs. 58%), yet only 14% of women actually succeed in following through on their good intentions? What happens?

I think it's that we tend to underestimate how much emotional energy we need to succeed. If you ask a hundred women why they quit working on a specific goal (and I have), most of the reasons will boil down to being emotionally worn out. The average woman gives so much to so many, and usually keeps very little for herself. It's one of the key ways we differ from men.”

As you plan to ring in 2009, I have some tips that takes emotional meltdowns into consideration. This year, you'll not only make a resolution, but be successful in keeping it. Here are the first two:

1. Pump Up The Passion. If accomplishing your New Year’s Resolution seems like a lot of work that doesn’t give you a lot of benefit, you’ll fail. Your reward has to outweigh the challenges.

What is it about your resolution that really jazzes you? For instance, why do you want a promotion? If you want it because it will give you more money or power, in what specific ways will money or power make your life better, happier or more satisfying? List the benefits and keep adding to them. Make the end result so incredibly attractive that you’ll keep going when the going gets tough – and it will.

2. Think ahead. As you planned recent holiday events, did you think about that one guest who doesn't eat meat, and made sure there was something vegetarian on the menu? Or what about the relative that is moody or drinks to much - didn't you anticipate what could go wrong and make a plan to handle it? Of course, you did. Women do it all the time for everyone else, both in and out of work, but we usually don’t think to apply the same process to our own success.

What do you think can be an obstacle to your success? If you want to get thin, what usually gets in your way of losing weight? Maybe you get home from work and just eat whatever is available, or eat fast food. So preplan your meals, including a quick snack that you can eat while you get the meal ready.

If you want to get a promotion at work, what do you think will stop you? Are you the kind of person who plays herself too small? Then get a book that will help you do better. I like the book BRAG! by Peggy Klaus. In fact, my Dangerous Dining Book Club read it in November, and we all agreed that we could learn to brag better.

Check back during January for more tips. And, email me to share ones that you've had success with...I look forward to hearing from you.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Washington Crossed the Delaware on Christmas - and So Did I!

It was freezing that day in 1776. General George Washington and his troops crossed from Pennsylvania into New Jersey during the American Revolutionary War. Washington devised the battle plan in an effort the keep British troops at bay. The strategy required his troops to cross the half-frozen river on a bitter cold Christmas day. It was a daring move, and it could have been a disaster, but it wasn't.

Every year, the famous crossing is reenacted. This year I was part of it. I didn't cross the river by boat (no one did - the waters were wild and dangerous), but I did walk across the Delaware on a wooden foot bridge. Bridges are a challenge for me, and when the opportunity appeared, I thought twice about going. But, using the steel handrail to steady myself, I took the 30-40 minute walk to New Jersey and back. It wasn't too cold and I dressed warmly, but the swirling waters beneath me made me a little dizzy...and I second-guessed my decision.

When I got back on solid ground, I was glad. I think it's good for me to move out of my comfort zone and challenge myself - and I think it's good for you too. I have some "getting started" ideas in my current newsletter. You can get the current issue by clicking on this post's title.

Hope and That Little Town of Bethlehem

“O Little Town of Bethlehem” - you probably sang it this season, or at least heard it. Did you know the words were written in 1868, by a minister from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania? Isn't it amazing how timeless the sentiment is – “the hopes and fears of all the years” - fitting both a post-Civil War economy and a current-day recession. They are both part of our human experience.

Yet, if you focus on fear, you can make yourself a nervous wreck. Since you're constantly bombarded with negative news, you can worry about the economy, jobs and the state of the world, wondering what’s going to happen next. Maybe you have forgotten what it means to live within your means and, like so many of us, wrap values around the money-made “show” of your life, instead of the value-driven “flow” of it.

Still, in the midst of all the negativity, you can choose to feel hope. I do.

Many economists think that the economy will turn around by next fall. I hope they’re right. However, it’s in women that I have the most hope. It’s in you and me and the other women in my town – and yours. We are leaders in our families, at work, and in our communities. We all have a wonderful opportunity to learn (or maybe relearn) lessons about what we value that has nothing to do with money, and everything to do with meaningful living – or as pastor Rick Warren would describe – a purpose-driven life.

As you think about your life and the future this Christmas Day 2008, and your hopes and fears, what are some of the values you would like to focus on throughout this holiday season and into 2009? Will you refocus your behaviors to be more in line with integrity and honesty? Will your spending habits reflect good sense instead of instant gratification? What about practicing perseverance instead of giving up and focused living instead scattered and imbalanced lifestyles?

What values will be shaping your life over the next year or so? How about sharing them with other readers - you'll never know who you'll be helping!

Thanksgiving 2008

Even though it's Thanksgiving, there seems to be nearly no way to avoid the doom and gloom news about how bad the economy. If you are one of those who is stressed out and worrying yourself sleepless because of money matters, here's a suggestion for a first-step toward financial peace and personal empowerment: PRACTICE GRATITUDE DAILY.

Don't roll your eyes...there is actual research that shows that those who practice gratitude aren't merely happier - though, frankly, wouldn't that be enough of a reason? In fact, research shows the attitude of gratitude also makes you healthier, more social, AND less dependent on material things to satisfy your needs and desires. In a tough economy, happiness helps you to adjust to change, sociability enables you to still have fun without spending tons of bucks, and less dependence on material things guides your spending and keeps you sane.

If you aren't already seeing your family, friends, job, house, etc. with a grateful eye, Thanksgiving is the perfect day to start. In everything you do today, think about what's good about it. Think about little things, like how good your bed feels and what a beautiful day it is. Then make a list of everyone you love and, thinking about every person you love, find one good thing about them for which you are thankful.

As you go through your day, refuse to focus on the imperfection and instead, find something good about it. If you don't like turkey, think about how good the desserts are. If you have a miserable relative who always makes trouble at dinner, be grateful that you'll go home without him or her.

If it seems hard, make a game of it with yourself and the people around you. Challenge each other to find good in whatever is going on around you. Make it serious...not joking about it.

Life isn't perfect, so stop looking for it to be that way. Look instead for what's good about your life, and be grateful. Consistently practicing gratitude will set you on a healtier path toward victory.

Personally, I am so grateful that I live in God's abundant universe and that my life is filled with wonderful people. That includes you!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today’s Economy: Thriver Tips for Women

Economists, financial commentators and even Oprah and Suze Orman have been warning us for years that a crisis was coming and our personal finances would be hit pretty hard. Now it’s here. The economy is who-knows-where, your 401K is a joke and the stock market’s ups and downs are making you feel queasier than riding a roller coaster. Whether you’re watching CNN, MSNBC, or your local news, all you hear at every turn is FEAR, FEAR, FEAR. You’re scared about what’s going to happen next and that this crisis could last for years. You know you set the tone in your life and in your household, what do you do?

The good news is that we’re all in this together, so as we make changes in our lifestyles, we won’t be alone. BUT, we each have to take responsibility for our own finances. That means YOU have to take action. Where do you start? What ideas do you have for dealing with this economy?

Send your tips to me, at info@victoriouswoman.com, and I'll send you my article, The Victorious Woman's Guide to Thriving, with SIX STEPS you can take to thrive inspite of today's current economic woes - starting today,

Pennsylvania Votes!

I live in the red hot voting suburbs of Chester County, in "battleground" Pennsylvania. I'm a regular voter and usually walk in and out. This morning, however, I waited in the longest voting line of my lifetime. On my way out, the line had doubled. It seems that, this election, everyone wants to be heard.

Poll workers made the wait tolerable. They had donuts, coffee and even freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. I spent the time reading a book I brought and chatting with neighbors I hadn't seen since the summer. My greatest stress was wondering how long my bladder would hold out. It did...just barely.

While I waited, I couldn't help but think that, no matter who wins, this is exciting. It's what our wonderful democracy is about, that is, being a population caring enough to make our vote heard. It's what “let freedom rings” means. Those aren't just words, it’s us we’re talking about – we’re freedom and our vote is our right to be heard, our freedom ringing. Not everyone around the world can do that, and it's what makes today so important, in so many ways.

When we vote, it’s one of the ways we express our approval or disapproval of the current system. And, it isn’t just about voting for a president once every four years. We have the priviledge of choosing our legislative representatives too, and we do that more often.

As a victorious woman, you know you have to stay on top of the events that affect your life. Yet too many of us don't know common civics. So, just in case you don’t already know, here are a few freedom-ringer basics:

• There are three branches of our government at the national and state levels: executive, judicial and legislative.

• We have two kinds of elections: general elections and primary elections.

• The people who run in the general elections, held in November, are picked in the primary elections, usually held in the spring; we vote for them based on our party affiliation.

• The President and his crew (the Cabinet) are the Executive Branch of government.

• The Supreme Court is the Judicial Branch. Their job is to interpret the laws that Congress makes, based on our constitution. When a judge retires or dies, the president chooses a new judge to fill his/her place. If the president is a conservative (like Reagan or Bush), s/he is likely to add conservative judges while a liberal president, like Clinton, will probably add more liberal judges.

• Our Senators and Representatives make up the Legislative Branch. They write the bills and make the laws that shape our way of life. Unfortunately, especially in recent years, they are also the ones who have added millions and millions of dollars worth of “junk” spending - usually to pay back the special interest groups who ply the legislature with special perks. No party is clean when it comes to porkbarrel spending...they are all equally guilty of spending our money on their special interests.

• To understand the legislative process, go to YouTube and watch the three minute cartoon, “Schoolhouse Rock – How a Bill Becomes A Law".

• You can find out how your senators and representative vote on many websites, like govtrack.us, votesmart.org, politico.org, thomas.loc.gov. You can find out what bills are voted on, which legislator voted and how, what kind of pork was included, and even find out who’s lobbying your politicians for votes for their special interests.

Once today’s votes are counted, we’ll have a new president. My hope is all of us who cared enough to stand in line today will keep the momentum rolling, get involved and make a difference. Unlike professional sports, politics isn't a game to watch and then go about our lives. The outcome really matters.

As the weeks go on, and the new president takes office and congress starts a new term, make a point to listen and read and evaluate the facts. Be wary of journalists, commentators and pundits. In the past, they prided themselves on keeping their politics private, but most of them no longer do. Just as the porkbarrel spending has increased, journalistic integrity has decreased. Instead, trust yourself and pay attention to the facts. When you know what’s going on, you – and we - can make our voices heard. WE can be loud enough to overshadow the lobbyists, and WE can hold our politicians to a standard that includes serving our best interests...not theirs.

It's our civic right...and responsibility. Let freedom ring!

Gibson Too Tough on Palin?

So, women, what did you think of Sarah Palin's first interview? Today's buzz is all about whether Charlie Gibson was too tough on her or not. What do the pundits think we're supposed to be, whiny marshmallow chicks who can't hold our own in high positions?

Here's my Victorious Woman perspective - NO!

Sarah Palin is running for the second highest office in the US. Most of us know little about her and want to know who she is. Journalists should ask tough questions, to Palin...and all the candidates. You can't run for the highest offices and expect a pass because of gender...or race.

And therein lies the problem, as I see it. Barack Obama wasn't vetted much more than Palin before he stepped onto the national stage. When people wanted to know more, the press (who we should be able to trust to be unbiased) went crazy. Media coverage became so obviously Obama-d that (1) the Campbell Brown-hosted debate was parodied on Saturday Night Live (check YouTube) and even (2) the Democratic Governor of Pennsylvania, Ed Rendell, said the Obama coverage was "embarrassing" and that "certain media outlets were openly partisan, had really bought into Barack Obama as a savior."

Clearly, a real journalist who is doing her/his job, should be asking questions that show us a candidate's character. We all know their canned party line - no matter which party they are. It's the hard questions that show us who the candidate really is.

To all of you who embrace the Victorious Woman in you, and who want the best for all of us, here's my advice for the next two months:

1. Learn everything you can about the candidates. Look at their records. How have they voted and what have they done? Get online and get facts - not some writer's or commentator's opinion. Even if you surf around the political net for just 10-15 minutes a day, you can learn some interesting facts, instead of getting stuck with some cherry-picked soundbites in an ad.

2. Look for the candidate's congruence? In other words, do their current behaviors and history match their past ones?

3. When you hear a candidate speak, listen for their attitudes and beliefs. Find the person behind the words. Why? Because, when elected, that's who you'll see in the White House. When the president and vice-president are in office, they are under extreme stress. When you and I are under stress, we revert to our core values and character. So do they...and that's what you want to watch for in this election.

4. Be wary of preferential treatment, whether it's NBC, ABC, CNN, PBS, FOX, NY Times, Huffington Post, Bill O'Reilly...anyplace. If a journalist only gives a candidate softballs, we simply get to know a bunch of words. We don't get to know them.

To my American readers, when you vote in November - and voting is your sacred right - make sure you are voting for the candidate who most aligns with your values and vision.

In victory,
Annmarie

Sarah Palin – How sexist is it?

What do you think about all the questions regarding Sarah Palin’s ability to serve as vice president because she has five children? Though still on vacation in Maine, but with both Democratic and Republican conventions going on, I can't help but getting political news...and it's making my blood boil. Last week I watched sexism happen with Hillary's speech supporting Barack Obama (see my thoughts in a previous blog below). This week, it's another kind of sexism with Sarah Palin.

Did anyone question Joe Biden when he suffered the tragic loss of his spouse and daughter in a car accident that left his two sons hospitalized for extended periods? Biden was a single parent who admitted that being a parent was more important than serving in the US Congress. He decided not to live in Washington so he could be home with his kids at night? Did anyone tell him to quit? NO. In fact, his was encouraged to continue his political career.

How about John Edwards? He’s an older father of two very young children and his spouse is battling life-threatening cancer. During his run for the presidential nomination, who questioned his ability to focus on the presidency because he was in the midst of personal crisis? NO ONE.

So, why is anyone discussing Sarah Palin’s ability to do her job while raising a family? Palin has already proved she can do a high profile job. Just like you, she is capable of functioning in higher level positions and raising a family.

This issue is about more than a female vice-president. It’s about you and your future success. Sure you can get those mid-level managerial jobs, but what about the executive positions. Do you think your career is suffering due to sexist-related concerns?

Tell me what you think.

By the way, check out my latest newsletter’s skillbuilding article and victory stretch about working women and guilt – with an Olympic twist.

Hillary Clinton - How sexist is it?

Call it what you will, but long story short, the Democratic Party asked Hillary to step down so they could nominate Barack Obama. This time last year, Hillary was all but promised the nomination. Suddenly, the “super delegates” who once couldn’t wait to see Hillary be president, shifted to Obama. Adding salt to the wound, now the Dems have asked for Hillary’s help to get Obama elected.

Has that ever happened to you? Were you ever the frontrunner for a promotion and, in the end, were not only passed over for a less qualified male candidate, but then also asked to help get the man who got the promotion get up to speed?

How did you handle it? Let me hear from you so we can pass along your tips to other women.

Edwards and Hunter - What's Wrong?

So it’s happened again. Another ego-driven politician in a sex scandal swearing it isn’t true until (surprise!) there’s proof. Nothing new, just change the names and faces to Clinton, Morris, or any of the amazingly long list, and it’s the same story.

There is no justification for what Edwards did – and he agrees. And who knows if this is the first time…or just the first time Edwards got caught.

And what about Rielle Hunter?
She’s an over-forty woman who is old enough to know better. She knew John Edwards was married with children – including a couple young ones – and knew he was in all the media, including on Oprah, talking about his politics and fluffing about his relationship with his spouse. Then, and now, she knows Elizabeth Edwards is suffering from an incurable cancer. So why did she go after him?? Or, maybe Edwards pursued her. If that's the case, why did she go along with it?

Yes, I know. Stuff happens. I live in the real world. I was single for a long time and had plenty of chances to have affairs with married men. And there was even a time or two when, during a lonely or particularly difficult time, I considered it. I didn’t do it because it was wrong. Though it seems in our society as though we’ve gotten away from making judgments about what is right and what is wrong, that doesn’t change the facts.

In Hunter’s case, she’s brought a child into the world in scandal – married man, maybe more than one man could be the father. That sordid story will haunt that innocent baby throughout her whole life. Even after the tabloids die down, even fifty years from now, there will always be a rumor or a whisper about her mother’s disgraceful digression and her father’s true identity.

What’s the solution? There isn’t one.

So what's in all they hype for you? There is something you can learn from Hunter and Edwards.

YOU CAN CHOOSE a code of conduct that lifts you up instead of dragging you (and your loved ones) down. You can choose to put certain behaviors on the DO NOT list. It’s like people who quit smoking. They know they can't have a cigarette. I know. When I stopped, I decided that I would never pick up a cigarette and smoke it. I know, even now, if I pick up a cigarette today, I’d be back to a pack-a-day by tomorrow. So I just don’t do it.

Think of the people on a diet or who have a food allergy. They cut out a food, like peanuts or fried foods. Whether they want them or not, those items just can’t be on their menu. They can look at the peanuts or fries, and maybe yearn for them, but they just don’t have ‘em.

Here are my suggestions for a couple “off my list” dating decisions:
• You will make decisions that protect you now and in the future;
• you won’t have sex unless your man is using a condom – no exceptions;
• you won’t date men with bad tempers or possessive behaviors
• you will break up with a guy as soon as he demonstrates the bad behaviors on your “no” list;
• you won’t knowingly date a married man;
• and, if the guy lied and really is married, you will dump him, no matter how much you think you love him. You’ll do it because you deserve better!

In the end, whatever happens, you will experience the law of cause and effect. When you make the cause – that is, your behavior – strong with healthy decisions and actions, your effect is bound to be good. Yes, stuff happens, but even when it happens to you, you are always in control of how you respond.

Choose to be the BEST of who you are…and don’t let anyone or anything take you off your BEST LIFE course.

In victory,
Annmarie

NSA Week in New York City

Whew! What a week!

I just returned from the annual convention of the National Speakers Association, of which I’m a proud member. This year, NSAers met in eclectic New York City at a hotel right smack in the heart of Times Square.

For those of you who have been, you know just being in NYC is an experience. There is so much to do in NYC, from the diverse lower Manhattan, busy midtown, uptown with its Lincoln Center, Central Park, St. Pat’s and tons more in each of the 5 boros...and fagettaboutit in Brooklyn.

Since I live only a couple hours from NYC, we visit fairly often. Unlike many of my colleagues, it was no surprise to me how, at 11pm, the streets were as crowded as they were at 2pm. It really is the city that never sleeps. Street performers were in abundance, a SWAT team made sure competing anti-war/support the troops rallies stayed civil and a taxi driver actually got out of his taxi (while he had a fare inside) and physically threatened a pedestrian who yelled at him for making a turn too close to the curb - and the pedestrian took him on. It was all typical, tough New York City.
For me, the outside stuff was same old same old. It's what happened inside the hotel each day that was magic. On the main stage, Marshall Goldsmith, Steve Forbes, Cathie Black and Bill Strickland presented their keynotes. So did attorney and news anchor Manny Mandrano and humorist Bill Stainton. I’ll talk more about them in my next few blogs.

Though many of the seminars didn't have as many tips and techniques as I would have liked, I got a few gems from speakers and tons from the other participants. You’ll be benefiting from some of those in upcoming months.

The grand finale was the awards banquet. This annual formal dinner had its usual Oscar-like aura. However, unlike Hollywood’s awards nights, NSA’s newly designated CPAE's (an honor bestowed on the best of the best), gave gracious acceptance speeches. But it was Cavatt award-winner Mike McKinley's acceptance speech that brought me – and most of the audience – to tears. Mike was widowed a few years ago. His spouse was also a speaker and beloved NSA member. He fought hard to stay engaged with life, and his profession. He spoke about his late spouse with love and affection. He also spoke about his new bride, and how she helped pull him out of the depths of sadness. He was warm, touching, and at the same time, had us laughing through our tears.

This year, the NSA foundation raised over $60,000 and the Cigar Peg, the sometimes raunchy stepchild of the NSA, also raised over $60,000 for the NSA charities.

I’ve returned home newly inspired to give YOU - MY READERS AND CLIENTS - the best of my best. More than ever I’m committed to providing inspiration and education that will help you BE MORE of the person you truly are, DO MORE of what satisfies your soul and HAVE MORE of the life you were put here to live so you can do your part to positively change the world.

Now my job is to take action. Stay tuned.

Woman Survives Panic Disorder

Karen Muranko lived with panic disorder for over twenty years. Today, with the help of her support team, she’s a happy and healthy survivor of the disorder.

Her story placed 2nd in the 2008 Victorious Woman Essay Contest. She is this month’s Victorious Woman of the Month. You can read her winning essay at http://www.victoriouswoman.com/vwmonth.htm.

By the way, in case you missed reading about our 1st prize winner and how she helped her son cope with her divorce, click on http://www.victoriouswoman.com/Files/RosalindSedacca.pdf to read her 1st prize-winning essay.

In victory,
Annmarie

Torres’ Model: Dust Off Those Dreams!

Last weekend, 41-year-old mother Dara Torres earned a spot in the upcoming Olympics. Torres is 26 years older than Elizabeth Beisel, the youngest Olympian on this year’s team. But Torres isn’t just looking for a middle-aged adventure. “I can't lie and say, ‘Oh, I'm just glad I'm going.’ I want a medal,” Torres said after her win.

Good for her! Her attitude is inspiring – especially to those of us who aren’t kids anymore. Too often – especially when we are past age thirty-five – we’re expected to be think of ourselves as not as good as when we were younger. We aren’t encouraged to toot our own horn, and are even expected take a back seat to our kids or someone else. When we don’t, we are often belittled. It usually doesn’t happen openly, but instead it’s usually in subtle but palpable ways. We saw many examples of it during the Democratic nominations.

But Torres isn’t letting her age or anything else get in her way. If you watch her carefully, you’ll notice that she is modeling the steps every woman can use to create their own victories. Here are three that she’s demonstrated:

1. Know What You Want
Dara Torres still had the passion to swim and compete. That’s how this current Olympic run started. It was the stuff of her dreams. Now it’s her reality.

Start with what you want and then make a plan to get it.

2. Work with Your Obstacles
Torres, acknowledged that her age could get in the way. Facing it made her understand that she knew she would have to work on speed and flexibility. It gave her an edge when competing against women considerably younger.

When you make a plan, ask yourself, “what will stand in my way.” Face the problems head on, early and quickly. Eliminate or minimize as many as you can. Challenges can be about money or time, and just as often, they are about believing in yourself.

3. Take action.
Do something every day to take you closer to your goal. Whether it’s making a phone call, or writing a paragraph for a business plan or a book, or doing something challenging to boost your confidence, DO IT. “If you just think about what you want to do and make a plan, but you don’t act on it, then you’re just wasting time and energy.”

Next month, while you watch Torres go for the gold, get inspired! Just because you aren't a kid anymore doesn’t mean you can’t have dreams and make your dreams come true. Torres is doing it. You can too. That’s the spirit of victory!

Who Says Women Are Too Catty to Work Together???

I don’t usually blog about my clients, but I’m making an exception today. The client I'm commending is the Space Coast Chapter of FEW (Federally Employed Women). This group of NASA women usually host an annual one-day local conference for their membership. This year, at the same time, they also hosted the FEW Southeast Region’s conference as well. For both conferences, I presented my mentoring workshop, Somebody’s in My Corner: Mentoring Strategies for Women.

The women of the Space Coast Chapter of FEW demonstrated everything that is good about a high-functioning team. Because they did, I think they are wonderful role models for other groups of women. Here are the characteristics they - and every truly good team - demonstrates:

1 – Getting the Job Done
Hosting a conference is a major undertaking…a big deal. It requires a super amount of work. It’s everything from getting sponsors and organizing the venue (including rooms for both the event and the participants, choosing meals, etc.) to selecting speakers, marketing the event, filling the venue with participants, and making sure their participants and their speakers are taken care of and have a good experience. Each one of those tasks is major and has hundreds of smaller, associated tasks. Getting it all done as effectively and efficiently as the Space Coast FEW did was no easy job…but they did it exceptionally well!

2 – Doing the Job Right
There never seems to be enough time to do everything we want to do for ourselves, let alone for others. It seems that it’s easy to cut corners, especially when it gets down to the wire.

The women of the Space Coast Chapter of FEW unselfishly coordinated their time, effort, talent and energy to provide professional learning opportunities for hundreds of other women. They didn’t get to rest until after the conference was over and the last attendee went home – and even then, their job wasn’t over.

In the weeks that followed, they still had summaries, reports, etc. Not every team takes the time to make sure that, even in the post-event work, all the “i’s” are dotted and “t’s” crossed. They did.

Can you imagine my delight when, six weeks after the conference ended, I received a beautiful, personal letter from the Speaker Chair and the Conference Chair thanking me for the job I did and encouraging me to connect with other FEW chapters. They didn’t have to…but I really appreciated that they did.

3 – Keeping the Team Intact
By the end of the first day, I noticed something different about the “FEW ladies” compared to some conference groups with whom I’ve worked. I asked them how they maintained their camaraderie and good humor. They told me that when they had their first meeting, they acknowledged the effect stress could have on their chapter and talked about it. They all knew that conference planning can put so much pressure on the team that it could be destroyed in the process. In fact, they knew chapters that did break up as a result of conference-planning stress.

So, as a team, they made a decision. As one woman said, “We agreed that we were friends before this started and – no matter what happened in the planning - we’d be friends after it ended.” So, even though they admitted that there were tense times during the nine-month planning process, they were wrapping it up together – and were even stronger.

In addition to doing a big job well and growing through it in the process, the Space Coast chapter of FEW even managed to use their event to give back to their community via educational scholarship funds to the Brevard Community College WENDI program, which helps people prepare to reenter the work field after a significant change in their lives.

WELL DONE, Ladies!! You are a special team and great role models for others.

And, to my contact Jean Grenville: thanks so much for making my FEW experience so positive. I enjoyed our many conversations and look forward to seeing you and your colleagues again in the future.

In victory,
Annmarie

May Victorious Woman of the Month

NAFE Director Honored

Robbie Motter, the Western & Mid Atlantic Regional Coordinator for the National Association of Executive Females (NAFE), is well known in NAFE Circles for her tireless networking and support of women around the country. It is with great pleasure that I’m announcing that Robbie Motter is named May 2008 Victorious Woman of the Month.

During May, International Victorious Woman Month, I had the pleasure of speaking to lots of women who were mentored and supported by Robbie. Not at all to my surprise, each one had such affection and respect for her!

Her story of lifelong victories is one not to be missed…so don’t. You can read it, along with Robbie’s tips for living victoriously, at http://www.victoriouswoman.com/vwmonth.htm. It’s also in printer-friendly format, so you can also print or download it to share with friends.

Congratulations, Robbie! You're a great role model for every woman who wants to be successful and happy. Thanks for teaching us to "ASK" and that "SHOWING UP" is the first step.

In victory,
Annmarie

Memorial Day 2008

This morning I briefly listened to a radio talk show. Unlike many other shows, it was "live" not taped in advance. The host asked people to call in with the names of loved ones who died in the service of my country. He asked them to give their name, the war and say something about the deceased veteran. It was so touching, honorable and fit the meaning of this day perfectly.

As I listened, I thought of my father who was a disabled veteran. Though he was exempt from the draft, he enlisted anyway because he wanted to serve. Unfortunately, he was wounded in battle and lost his left hand and forearm. He received the Purple Heart, was honorably discharged and, since he could no longer do his pre-war work, attended college on the GI Bill. I could tell you many things about growing up with a disabled vet, but what I most want you to know is that my experience makes me ever-grateful to the men and women of the armed services who have served in the past and who are now serving my country. They protect me, my loved ones and my lifestyle.

In this war, women are serving unlike any other time. In previous generations, most women took on caregiving roles, even in the services. Today’s women fight side by side with their male counterparts. Like the men, they leave spouses, lovers and families and go to unsafe places like Iraq and Afghanistan. Also like the men, many have someone on the homefront, caring for houses and children and waiting anxiously for the return of their loved ones. In this war, for the first time, men as well as women are “keeping the home fires burning” and they jump every time the phone rings and live in fear of the dreaded knock on the door.

During this Memorial Day, let’s take some time to remember those who gave their life so that we can have the freedom to live as we want, pray as we desire, and applaud or criticize our government as we choose. And while we are remembering the dead, let’s say a prayer or send a good thought to those who are actively working for our freedom today – on or off the battlefield. They aren’t having a carefree barbeque, and knocking back a few beers or sipping glasses of wine. They are all hanging tough, trusting in our victory, and hoping they will see their loved ones again.

To all of you, I am grateful. THANK YOU!

Mother’s Day and Giftgiving

What Do You Really Want?

If you didn’t get the Mother’s Day acknowledgements from your children, and their father, you’d be upset, right? Yet, if you are like so many other women, as nice as it is getting the flowers, gifts, brunch, etc., it leaves many of you feeling disappointed.

Does that make you sound ungrateful? NO! If, on Mother’s Day, everyone makes a fuss but the next day everyone goes back to taking you for granted, how can you not be disappointed?

Here are a couple suggestions for your kids of things you might really want and enjoy. And you can send them to this blog entry any time of the year: Mother’s Day, your birthday, Christmas, when you don’t feel well…and whenever the people you care for are forgetting how important you are in their lives!

Happy Mother’s Day. May this be the best Mother’s Day for the Mom in your life!

Kids…here are some things you can get your mom that she’ll really like:

Time. Most women fill their waking time with tasks for family, work, school events, etc. As a result, they leave no time for themselves. Pick one time-consuming job that Mom does regularly and take over that chore – permanently. It could be cleaning the bathroom each week, doing dishes or taking Mom’s aging mother shopping once a month. Whatever you pick, follow-through and really make it your job. Extra hint: make sure Mom agrees to use the hour or two that you are giving her each week for serious self-care.

Appreciative Attention. Instead of depending on the card and gift industry to tell you when to honor your mother, start a new ritual called Mom’s Personal Day. Pick one day a month – or even every other month. Mark it on your calendar and hers. Plan something special to let your mother know she is valuable a part of your life.

Need ideas for your Mom’s Personal Day? Based on her interests and age, your Mom might enjoy a mother-son brunch, afternoon at the beach or a museum, a mother-daughter shopping trip or simply a loving visit from you where she is the total focus of your attention. Find out what she would like best, and do it for her. Windfall moment: you’ll be making memories with Mom that will stay in your heart long after trinkets have lost their usefulness. Added benefit: you may discover a whole new appreciation for something you never thought you’d like.

Stress-relief. What’s the one thing you do that stresses Mom out? Is it being defensive or argumentative? Maybe she stresses because you don’t pick up after yourself, or don’t call. Whatever that one thing is, stop doing it. It won’t take away all Mom’s stress, but every little bit has an impact. Side bonus: the effort will build your character – and that will please Mom even more!

Mom will always love you, and these ideas will show her you love AND appreciate her too!!

Victorious Woman Month Starts Today!

May is International Victorious Woman Month.

What will you do to celebrate and make this a victorious month? Here are three ways you can “get your victory on” and make this a spectacularly victorious month:

Focus on Victory
Give up those thoughts that you “can’t do it” or “are too young/old” or “don’t have the money.” Instead, think about end results. What do you want? How will it feel when you get it? How will your life be different?

Visualize Victory
Start making pictures of your victory in your mind. Research shows that your mind doesn’t know the difference between real and fake. It outpictures what you visualize. So, if you are picturing yourself failing or just getting by, that’s what you get. This month, pledge to focus only on positive pictures. See yourself overcoming obstacles and making the victory stretch that leads to success. You can even make a Victorious Visioning Book (for instructions: http://www.victoriouswoman.com/Files/Victorious_Visioning.pdf).

Act Victoriously
There is an old adage: “if you always do what you’ve always done, you will always get what you already got.” Do something different and better than you did yesterday. Make a phone call that you’ve been putting off. Take a risk. Find a mentor. Reach out and network with someone who is already at the personal or professional level you want to be.

For more Victorious Woman ideas, click on this blog's title for a free download of the Victorious Woman Calendar’08 with thirty-one daily tips for focusing your life on victory.

Wishing you an amazing Victorious Woman Month!
Annmarie

Those All-Powerful FLDS Men: In Today's News

I always think it’s funny when a man thinks he’s a leader, but can only lead when he has physical, mental and/or financial control over others. I know from personal experience that a man like that is really a coward. I know it because, when challenged, he cowers and hides like the lowly animal he is.

That’s what I was thinking today as I watched an interview with three of them on the CBS Early Show. It was the first time any Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints sect (FLDS) man showed his face since the children were taken away from the secluded compound they call home, based on allegations of child abuse. Weeks have gone by while they let the women face the cameras while they hid in their compound.

Then, there they were this morning, acting like some aw-shucks hicks. And, gosh and dagnabbit...they said they just can't do nothing about them young girls who might be ahavin' a mind to marry some old geezer. They didn't even know they was adoin' anything illegal 'cause they are righteous men.

Give me a break!

Last week the FLDS women went to court to fight to get their children. Crowds of waif-like women were speaking to reporters, desperately begging to get their children back from the government. They say they aren’t abused and dodged every question about polygamy and the paternal identity of those children. They doggedly refused to answer any questions about their marriages or any questions about relationships between older men and underage girls. Why???

Also in the interviews, the women say their way of life is their choice and they can leave anytime. They choose to stay. Really?

Consider this as a reason: Did you know about the threat the FLDS men hold over women? In the words of their leader, Warren Jeffs, a woman are obliged to build up her husband by being totally subservient to him. If she doesn't, the control is so totally pervasive that an FLDS woman is told she can’t even get into heaven unless she is invited by her satisfied husband. So if she she displeases him - say, by refusing to let her prepubescent daughter to marry some mature (40+) man, she could spend eternity in hell. I wonder if those women also fear eternal damnation if they don’t get their children back from the government. That’s some abusive control!

The women say they'll do anything to get their children back. I wonder if that means they would be willing to expose their lifestyle...or is the fear of not being asked to join their man in heaven a greater threat?

And, here in the real world, it doesn't have to be an FDLS member who does the controlling. It can be the man who uses a bad temper to get what he wants, or threatens a woman with public embarrassment if she gets out of line - his line.

It just goes to show us all that a woman needs to maintain control of her SELF, and not allow anyone to take that away from her. A real man is comfortable in partnership and respects both the woman he's with and the relationship they have. That's not some Pollyanna idea, that's what happens between healthy partners.