Whew! What an autumn for caregiving!

About six weeks ago, I took my elderly mother to the doctor for a regular visit. It wasn't her GP, but the doctor we saw had a concern about her legs and suggested we she her GP the next morning. We never got the chance. That night I took my mother to the emergency room of my local hospital. We waited and waited for hours and when we finally saw the doctor, she was admitted, ten hours after we got there!

That was just the beginning. She was discharged a few days later and was staying at my home when a bad reaction between medications nearly killed her. A 911 call and and an ER visit later, she was back in the hospital. Then she was a couple weeks in skilled nursing.

Now my mother is back in her own home with home health care and me keeping an eye on her. She's doing well.

Here's the interesting part: I have 3 siblings and 5 nieces and nephews. No one has bothered to do anything - no visits and no calls, EXCEPT for one (short) visit by my oldest brother. When I saw her about an hour later, my mother was all upset. She said my brother cried. CRIED! The reason? He cried because she hadn't called him. Seriously! This grown man, visiting his mother who nearly died a few hours earlier and was still touch and go, cried to his mommy because she made him feel bad by nearly dying and not letting him know!

Are you in that kind of situation too? Are you balancing a career and parental caregiving? Do you have siblings but are the sole caregiver for an aging parent? When you ask for specific help, does the rest of the family tell you they are "too busy" to do anything...practically implying that it's all on you because you have nothing else to do?

If my experience sounds like your own, you aren't alone. There are many people, and mostly women, who are straddled with caregiving while their siblings sit around waiting to see how much money is going to be left at the end.

What can you do?

First, recognize that some siblings habitually make excuses for their bad behavior. Or, like my brother, showed his irresponsibility by making my mother feel that his lack of caring was her fault. It's a technique a lot of people use to get out of doing anything, and not feeling bad about it. If someone is doing this to you, speak up. Don't accept responsibility - especially emotional responsibility - for someone else's failures.

Next, protect yourself. Make sure you incorporate some good thing to look forward to each and every day. Like last Friday, when my stressful mom-morning was erased during a relaxing lunch with a friend and colleague. Over a plate of pasta, a glass of wine and a few laughs, my body relaxed and my mind was stimulated by our lively conversation. I left renewed, and reminded that victories don't happen in a vacuum. Victory happens through attitude, behavior and consciousness.

What about you? Are you a lone ranger caregiver? What have you learned about keeping yourself together that you can share?

What Mom's Really Want for Mother's Day

Wherever I go, it seems women are talking about how they don't feel anyone appreciates what they do for their families, their work, etc. Most moms feel they are there for their families, but when mom needs them to step up and do something for her, everyone seems to get busy.

So, when it comes to Mother's Day, I can't tell you how many women tell me how they put a smile on their face and say thank you for what their children give them - knowing that tomorrow they'll go back to being the invisible family member.

Here's a link to the article...let me know how you feel about it: http://tinyurl.com/whatmomwants

Susan Boyle - More than Britain's Talent

If you didn’t see and hear Susan Boyle on Britain’s Got Talent, check her out on YouTube.

Susan Boyle is a 47-year-old woman who says she’s never been kissed, in fact, she said she’s never even had a date. She still lives in the house in which she grew up and cared for her parents. Before dying, Susan’s mother told Susan to make something of herself. When Simon Cowell asked her why she hadn’t been successful with a singing career until now, Susan said she’d never been given the chance. She hoped the reality show would be her opportunity.

Can you imagine how Susan Boyle felt? Don’t you wonder how she had the guts to get on that stage? Then, after subtle mocking from not only Simon but the whole audience, don't you wonder how she still kept it together enough to sing...magnificently?

Susan Boyle did five things that opened the door for her: She believed in honoring her commitments, she honed her skill, never gave up, didn’t let her age stop her, and she showed up.

“So what?” you say, "What’s that mean to me?"

Maybe everything. Like Susan Boyle, you don't know where life is going to take you. If life hasn’t turned out the way you wanted, you don't pack it in. Instead, you do what Boyle did, you keep doing your best so that when opportunity comes your way, you're ready. Following Boyle's lead, here's how:

• Make a commitment to yourself and be serious about honoring it. It might also help if you commit to someone else, as in an accountability partner
• Keep practicing what you do best. Maybe it’s not singing in the choir. Maybe your talent is organization and the only practice you get is organizing and managing the volunteers at your child’s school. Keep doing it. Recently, I met a woman whose talent is sewing. One day she made a handbag that got so many compliments, she began making and selling them. In one year, her hobby has grown into a business and a nice income.
• NEVER give up. A dream deferred isn’t a dream denied.
• Too old? Nonsense! Sometimes opportunities come your way with the confidence of experience.
• SHOW UP – if you are always turning your back on an opportunity or saying “no, not now”, nothing will ever happen. You have to show up in your life by saying ‘yes’ to opportunities.

No matter where you are in your life, don’t go quietly into some obscure quiet life. Follow the Victorious Woman Model, just as Susan Boyle did, and LIVE OUT LOUD, IN LIVING COLOR.

In Victory,

Annmarie

Chatting with Dr. Sally Witt

What fun!

Last Saturday I was on Dr. Sally Witt's radio show on Blog Talk Radio. I know Dr. Sally, the "social networking maven" through the National Speaker's Association. She knows more than anyone I know about the business of social networking and recently spoke for our internet marketing conference...and received RAVE reviews. Dr. Sally combines a gentle, loving style with a natural effervescence. I had a lot of fun as we talked, laughed and shared information and women, success and victory. I think you'd enjoy listening to it so I linked the audio to the title of this blog.

Dr. Sally's radio show features experts on an eclectic group topics. For example, her guest on Friday was Tom Gray, an internet marketing guru. On Saturday's show, Dr. Sally teamed up with Heather Jumah of WealthSuccessandWomen, Inc., a site dedicated to empowering women through entrepreneurship. I was their first guest and was followed by Ruth Clark. Ruth started a company called Fashion Moves and designs clothing for people with disabilities. Her focus is on minimizing dressing challenges "for people who use wheelchairs or have other personal clothing needs" so those challenges don't interfere with their business and success. This week, guests include Daryl Snyder of Elevision and psychic Carol Obley.

Let me know how you like the show. I'd love your feedback.

Here are some websites you want to check out:
Sally Witt: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/drsallywit and dr.sallywitt.com
Heather Jumah: http://wealthsuccessandwomen.com/
Ruth Clark: http://www.fashionmoves.org/
Tom Gray: http://www.gemsolv.com/wordpress/

New Year's Resolution - Success Tips for Women

New Year, New You, right? HARDLY!

Did you know that women are more likely than men to make New Year's Resolutions (74% vs. 58%), yet only 14% of women actually succeed in following through on their good intentions? What happens?

I think it's that we tend to underestimate how much emotional energy we need to succeed. If you ask a hundred women why they quit working on a specific goal (and I have), most of the reasons will boil down to being emotionally worn out. The average woman gives so much to so many, and usually keeps very little for herself. It's one of the key ways we differ from men.”

As you plan to ring in 2009, I have some tips that takes emotional meltdowns into consideration. This year, you'll not only make a resolution, but be successful in keeping it. Here are the first two:

1. Pump Up The Passion. If accomplishing your New Year’s Resolution seems like a lot of work that doesn’t give you a lot of benefit, you’ll fail. Your reward has to outweigh the challenges.

What is it about your resolution that really jazzes you? For instance, why do you want a promotion? If you want it because it will give you more money or power, in what specific ways will money or power make your life better, happier or more satisfying? List the benefits and keep adding to them. Make the end result so incredibly attractive that you’ll keep going when the going gets tough – and it will.

2. Think ahead. As you planned recent holiday events, did you think about that one guest who doesn't eat meat, and made sure there was something vegetarian on the menu? Or what about the relative that is moody or drinks to much - didn't you anticipate what could go wrong and make a plan to handle it? Of course, you did. Women do it all the time for everyone else, both in and out of work, but we usually don’t think to apply the same process to our own success.

What do you think can be an obstacle to your success? If you want to get thin, what usually gets in your way of losing weight? Maybe you get home from work and just eat whatever is available, or eat fast food. So preplan your meals, including a quick snack that you can eat while you get the meal ready.

If you want to get a promotion at work, what do you think will stop you? Are you the kind of person who plays herself too small? Then get a book that will help you do better. I like the book BRAG! by Peggy Klaus. In fact, my Dangerous Dining Book Club read it in November, and we all agreed that we could learn to brag better.

Check back during January for more tips. And, email me to share ones that you've had success with...I look forward to hearing from you.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Washington Crossed the Delaware on Christmas - and So Did I!

It was freezing that day in 1776. General George Washington and his troops crossed from Pennsylvania into New Jersey during the American Revolutionary War. Washington devised the battle plan in an effort the keep British troops at bay. The strategy required his troops to cross the half-frozen river on a bitter cold Christmas day. It was a daring move, and it could have been a disaster, but it wasn't.

Every year, the famous crossing is reenacted. This year I was part of it. I didn't cross the river by boat (no one did - the waters were wild and dangerous), but I did walk across the Delaware on a wooden foot bridge. Bridges are a challenge for me, and when the opportunity appeared, I thought twice about going. But, using the steel handrail to steady myself, I took the 30-40 minute walk to New Jersey and back. It wasn't too cold and I dressed warmly, but the swirling waters beneath me made me a little dizzy...and I second-guessed my decision.

When I got back on solid ground, I was glad. I think it's good for me to move out of my comfort zone and challenge myself - and I think it's good for you too. I have some "getting started" ideas in my current newsletter. You can get the current issue by clicking on this post's title.

Thanksgiving 2008

Even though it's Thanksgiving, there seems to be nearly no way to avoid the doom and gloom news about how bad the economy. If you are one of those who is stressed out and worrying yourself sleepless because of money matters, here's a suggestion for a first-step toward financial peace and personal empowerment: PRACTICE GRATITUDE DAILY.

Don't roll your eyes...there is actual research that shows that those who practice gratitude aren't merely happier - though, frankly, wouldn't that be enough of a reason? In fact, research shows the attitude of gratitude also makes you healthier, more social, AND less dependent on material things to satisfy your needs and desires. In a tough economy, happiness helps you to adjust to change, sociability enables you to still have fun without spending tons of bucks, and less dependence on material things guides your spending and keeps you sane.

If you aren't already seeing your family, friends, job, house, etc. with a grateful eye, Thanksgiving is the perfect day to start. In everything you do today, think about what's good about it. Think about little things, like how good your bed feels and what a beautiful day it is. Then make a list of everyone you love and, thinking about every person you love, find one good thing about them for which you are thankful.

As you go through your day, refuse to focus on the imperfection and instead, find something good about it. If you don't like turkey, think about how good the desserts are. If you have a miserable relative who always makes trouble at dinner, be grateful that you'll go home without him or her.

If it seems hard, make a game of it with yourself and the people around you. Challenge each other to find good in whatever is going on around you. Make it serious...not joking about it.

Life isn't perfect, so stop looking for it to be that way. Look instead for what's good about your life, and be grateful. Consistently practicing gratitude will set you on a healtier path toward victory.

Personally, I am so grateful that I live in God's abundant universe and that my life is filled with wonderful people. That includes you!

Happy Thanksgiving!

May Victorious Woman of the Month

NAFE Director Honored

Robbie Motter, the Western & Mid Atlantic Regional Coordinator for the National Association of Executive Females (NAFE), is well known in NAFE Circles for her tireless networking and support of women around the country. It is with great pleasure that I’m announcing that Robbie Motter is named May 2008 Victorious Woman of the Month.

During May, International Victorious Woman Month, I had the pleasure of speaking to lots of women who were mentored and supported by Robbie. Not at all to my surprise, each one had such affection and respect for her!

Her story of lifelong victories is one not to be missed…so don’t. You can read it, along with Robbie’s tips for living victoriously, at http://www.victoriouswoman.com/vwmonth.htm. It’s also in printer-friendly format, so you can also print or download it to share with friends.

Congratulations, Robbie! You're a great role model for every woman who wants to be successful and happy. Thanks for teaching us to "ASK" and that "SHOWING UP" is the first step.

In victory,
Annmarie