Victory Up! Stepping Up to Victory, Part II

My February 7 blog is the background for this posting. In it, in response to an email received at my Victorious Woman website, http://www.victoriouswoman.com/, I wrote about how a woman has the Power of Choice and can make a decision to refocus her life. I also included questions that she, or any of my readers, can use to help them step off the Victim Stepping Stone and into a better life. In this posting and the next, I’ll explain more about the Stepping Stones.

Victory Leaves Clues
When I researched women for my book, Victorious Woman! Shaping Life’s Challenges into Personal Victories, I came to understand how strongly our lifestyle either supports or sabotages our victories. In interview after interview, I recognized the telltale signs of the Victorious Woman in the way she lived her life and the way she viewed her past (and present) challenges. Over time, I noticed specific patterns of thoughts and behaviors associated with different lifestyles. I grouped them together into four lifestyle choices. I called them STEPPING STONES because, while most of the time we take steps forward, we also occasionally step sideways or backward. Unfortunately, like my February 7 emailer, sometimes we get stuck in a lifestyle that isn’t good for us.

There are four Victorious Woman! Stepping Stones™:
Victorious ∙ Savvy ∙ Surviving ∙ Victim

Since introducing the STEPPING STONES, I’ve received wonderful feedback from those who read Victorious Woman! attended one of my workshops or keynote addresses. What they tell me is that the STEPPING STONES showed them how their lifestyle – the small choices they made every day – either supported or sabotaged their goals, dreams, even their everyday routines. The STEPPING STONES showed them how to see their life differently and gave them a direction for moving forward.

With my workshop and teleseminar participants, once they have a direction, they utilize the Six Victory Skills to determine how to help themselves get stronger. Then, they apply the Victorious Woman Model for a practical approach for improving their lives.

I’ll share more STEPPING STONES information in my next post.
With the best intentions,
Annmarie

©AnnmarieKelly2007. All Rights Reserved.
You can learn more about the Stepping Stones, Victory Skills, Victorious Woman Model AND read the encouraging and inspirational stories of nine women who earned the title Victorious Woman in my book, Victorious Woman! Shaping Life’s Challenges into Personal Victories. Available at http://www.victoriouswoman.com/order.htm and bookstores everywhere.

Victory Up: Stepping Up to Victory

Recently, I received an email submission at http://www.victoriouswoman.com/, my Victorious Woman website. In it, a woman writes about how her family dismissed her “like she didn't exist at all,” and was “given away like a used piece of furniture, no longer needed.” She doesn’t say how she was given away or by whom (adoption, spousal abandonment, ignored by her children…or something else). However, she says that she still carries the effects of abuse, neglect & abandonment 30 years later and refers to someone (presumably her) who, because of family members, “wakes up everyday of their life wishing that they were never born.”

Obviously, this woman is in great emotional pain. Her email ends wanting to know what I think of her family for treating her so badly. I have several responses, which I’ll address both to her and to my other readers.

First of all, the emailer only wants commentary on the people she believes wronged her. That makes me think she is choosing to live her life as a victim, a thought process (not a reality) that becomes a lifestyle filled with blame for others with an inordinate focus on self, and too much time spent indulging in self-pity. It’s unhealthy for any woman to use so much precious time focusing on and needing justification for past hurts. It’s far more beneficial and self-nourishing for a woman to put her thoughts on what she has control over – that is, working toward a happier, more compelling future. I believe spending each day (for 30 years!) regretting being born is a waste of time…and life.

Next, whenever I strategize with any woman about her life, it’s her victory (or potential victory) that I focus on more than anything else. None of us can change our past, but we can be victorious over it. The only way we can do that is by concentrating on the things we can change – about our behaviors or specific parts of our life, such as our work, family, leisure, etc.

So, if I was talking to you, I would ask these questions:
- Why do you want me to only focus on the other people, not you?
- What have you done to better your life, in spite of your family?
- What responsibility are you taking for your life?
- If you would become victorious over this situation, what would that look like?
- What are your current plans for self-improvement?
- What are you doing TODAY to make this day happy?

Whatever the answers, if you are a woman who feels victimized by life, you need to start believing that you have the POWER OF CHOICE. Everyone chooses whether to live in sadness, depression and regret OR chooses to give up the victim lifestyle and make a better life. Quit looking for acceptance from people who don’t, and maybe can’t, give it.

Look instead to the future and CHOOSE TO REFOCUS your life. In this very moment, commit your thoughts and actions to taking only strong and positive steps forward. In the beginning, that could mean something as simple as finding one positive thing each day to look forward to. Just that small step will lift your spirits each day and get you on a victory path.

From my own experience in an abusive family, I know creating victory is easier said than done. Sometimes, you need professional help in dealing with your feelings. If that’s the case, commit to getting it. Or, you may have a greater need for a support group. There are churches and organizations that have meetings for dealing with nearly every difficult life situation. Find one and go. I personally have done both over the years and have found the effort worth the time, money and energy. Whichever you choose, take positive action, start now and don’t give up!

Finally, set goals and work on them. Start with something small and build your confidence. Create your own victories. I know from experience that, while victory is different for every woman, only you can make it happen for yourself. I also know that one victory usually leads to another…and another.

Also, I pray that you learn that you are loved. Remember, however, as Victorious Woman Tekki teaches us, the most powerful love is the one you have for yourself.

For my readers who want to read more on this topic next week, check back next week and I’ll talk a little about the Stepping Stones to Victory.

With the best intentions,
Annmarie

©AnnmarieKelly2007. All Rights Reserved.

Victory Up

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