Monday, June 29, 2009

Jenny Sanford Takes The Lead!

Women everywhere are applauding Jenny Sanford! After years of feeling embarrassed when seeing the public humiliation of “stand by your man” political spouses, women were generally thrilled to see a better model.

Unlike Mrs. Clinton, Mrs. McGreevy, and Mrs. Spitzer before her, to name just a few, Jenny Sanford let the man who dishonored her stand alone while he told his constituents that he was a liar and a cheat. A few days later, as though reporters thought it mattered to her, they asked Ms. Sanford about the governor’s political future. With absolute certainty, she told them it wasn’t her concern. She didn’t care. And, after all, if he was so careless with his career, why should she do anything to help him save it?

Doesn't it make you wonder with so much at stake, why men cheat?

I asked a lot of men that question. said some just shrugged and said they didn’t know. Some just shrugged, others said the men were stupid. But many men echoed the sentiments of one bottom-line guy who admitted, ‘men do it because they can.’ In a society that embraces a sliding moral scale and celebrates instant gratification, cheaters find an abundance of excuses to defend their bad behavior. These days, even ‘it just happened’ has become a justification for adultery (for both men and women).”

Don't you think that's one of the most annoyingly dishonest tales anyone can ever tell? And who believes it anyway? Nobody! C'mon, we all know there’s a lot time between loving one’s spouse in a committed relationship, then meeting another person, exchanging a few emails and escalating the casual conversation into an affair. The logistics alone demand some kind of thought process. Cheating doesn’t ‘just happen’ any place but in erotic books.

Here are four things a spouse who's been cheated on can do to take back control of their lives:

1 - Let the dog clean up his own mess. Sure, maybe you still love him. But remember, all the while you were loving him and taking care of his home and family, he was getting his kicks with someone else.

2 - Get angry! Dig down to your deepest places and let the emotion out. Scream it out, journal it out, break things, whatever you need to do to vent that emotion. Those feelings of ‘how dare he?” and “how could he do that to me?” are really strong, especially if you feel you’ve accommodated him in every way you could.

3 – Think of yourself. You didn’t make this happen, so don’t blame yourself. Also, you are likely to suffer some serious depression, which can result in self-destructive and even life-threatening reactions. Why should that happen to you for some behavior you didn’t initiate? Think about what you need to do for yourself and…

4 - Seek qualified help. Once you start letting go of some of your initial anger, you need to sort out your feelings. If you have children, they need to do the same. Find a qualified therapist and make weekly appointments – more often if they help. The sooner you start making some sense of your feelings, the sooner you will heal. There’s no reason to let this awful thing result in a health issue that destroys your life.

No one wants to have their marriage turn out like this, but it happens. I think harsher attitudes toward cheating could make it happen less. I think Jenny Sanford is showing the way.

What do you think?

Also, what other suggestions to you have for spouses who've been cheated on??

Monday, June 15, 2009

Victorious Woman Contest Winners!

Our five judges are finished and made their picks. The returning judges told me that the essays this year were, overall, even better than 2008. Thank you to all of you who sent contest entries!!

The winners of the 2009 Victorious Woman Essay Contest are:

1st Prize:Amy Sherman
Overcoming Adversity: We're All Winners

2nd Prize: Amalia Starr
Second Chances

3rd Prize: Donna Johnson
Dancing in the Rain


The winning essays will be posted online over the next few months. In fact, right now you can read about Amy Sherman’s health challenge, how she dealt with it and what she's doing now at:

The 2010 Victorious Woman Essay Contest will open up in March of next year. To get on the early-notification list and also receive other Victorious Woman updates and news, sign up for the Victorious Voices newsletter at:

Make this month a victorious one!