Are you juggling work, caregiving and the holidays? Feeling the holiday stress? Me too!
I don't know about how it’s been at your workplace, but these past few months have been exceptionally busy for me! On the business side, I presented at women’s leadership conferences in Philadelphia PA and Asheville NC. I also facilitated several corporate and public workshops on communication, management and leadership skills for women. The conferences and classes were great!
At the same time, however, during October and November, my mom was in and out of the hospital and skilled nursing care. Happily, she’s back to independent living - with the help of home nursing and me.
My mother's illness reminded me of two self-care tips and, for all you caregivers, I'm sharing them with you this holiday season.
Here’s the first one: Watch Out for Overcare
One Sunday in November, somewhere between presenting at a Saturday conference and picking my mother up for a family party, I got a "nervous stomach". It took a full day before I realized what the problem was. Yes, I was in overcare. In spite of all the seminars and workshops I've given on overcare and how it happens, I fell into it anyway.
Overcare happens to any of us when we upset the balance between our own self-care and caring for others. It happens because we put our own care on the back burner while being busy taking care of parents, or children, or both. Overcare also happens during certain times or events, like getting ready for the holidays. The result? We run down, maybe get ill, and then miss work or a special event.
Once I realized I was "in it" I started rebalancing. For me, breaking the cycle meant blocking off thirty minutes a few times a week for exercise and prioritizing that time. Also, I restarted my vitamin regime and made appointments with a chiropractor. Small things but they are making a big difference.
Here's how a couple other women broke their cycle of overcare:
- Business owner Maria signed up for art classes and re-ignited her passion for painting. Now she looks forward to the time she spends in her "studio" - even though it's just a section of the basement where she goes once or twice a week
- Stay-at-home mom Kathy goes to lunch every Saturday with her sisters. She loves that while she's getting some stress relief, her spouse has "time to bond" with their four children
Question: What about you? What’s ONE THING you can do – just for yourself – this holiday season?
Here’s the second: Remember the Moments
For most of us, time zips by, one day into the next. And during the busiest moments, like Christmas and the holidays, we get so caught up in what we’re doing that we often forget to just stop and enjoy the moment.
That's what I realized during one of the all-night ER stays with my mom. The two of us were laughing about how all the medical staff kept saying she didn't look her age. Then, all of a sudden, she became very wistful about her ninety years and said, “It went so fast.” Her words startled me. Later I thought, “How could that be? How could that many years seem 'so fast'?" But then I thought about how long I’ve known my spouse, Joseph – nearly twenty-five years. It doesn’t seem so long ago that I wondered if I’d ever meet someone I’d want to marry…and now it’s nearly a quarter of a century ago. How did that happen? It went so fast.
In recent talks with my mother, I’ve realized that what really stands out in our memory isn't a "big" event. What makes up the best part of our lives are the little moments. When we are alone, it's the memories of our moments that come back to us. It's up to us if those memory-moments warm and comfort us, or make us feel sad.
So here’s the thing I'm urging you to do, starting today. STOP and pay attention to what’s happening around you. Make a point to take a mental picture of something, like a special look someone gives you or an intimate moment with a loved one. And also internally record your child’s laugh or a kind word someone says that touches your heart. Jot it down in your journal too. Don’t have time to journal? Then when you email a friend about something special that happened, make a copy and file it – it can substitute for that journal entry you might not make time to write. Bottom line: Do something to help your mind remember your best moments.
And if you are still struggling with Overcare into the New Year:
On January 18, I’ll be offering a free teleseminar on Breaking the Cycle of Overcare. Details will be going out to my mailing list right after Christmas, or you can email me at info@victoriouswoman.com, with Overcare in the subject line.
Wishing you a Merry Christmas! and a Magical Holiday Season!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Memories of the DC Sniper
Yesterday’s news reported that the so-called DC Sniper, John Allen Mohammed, was executed at 9:11pm. There wasn’t much fanfare about it, at least not that I saw or heard. But it was a big deal to me.
In 2002, the American Society for Training and Development was having their annual International Leadership Conference in the DC area. I was one of the speakers. In the days before the conference, there was much concern in the ASTD organization about attendees cancelling their plans, how ASTD could best protect the attendees, etc. Personally, I had many calls with colleagues about our own concerns. My spouse and I had seemingly constant conversations about safety. One of my close friends asked me not to go. Of course I couldn’t cancel because I’d made a commitment. Still, I was as nervous about the travel as anyone.
On the day I was leaving for DC, police arrested Mohammed and his young cohort, Lee Boyd Malvo. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. And while no one publicly made reference to the events, the fear of terrorism was spoken about privately.
When I heard the news yesterday, I didn’t think about the right or wrong of the execution, but instead thought about the people who were gunned down while doing everyday things: the women who was vacuuming her car, a guy getting gas and one who was mowing his lawn, the woman who was putting things in her car after leaving Home Depot and another just sitting on a bench reading a book. I thought about them and the others. For their families, I said a silent prayer.
Whew! What an autumn for caregiving!
About six weeks ago, I took my elderly mother to the doctor for a regular visit. It wasn't her GP, but the doctor we saw had a concern about her legs and suggested we she her GP the next morning. We never got the chance. That night I took my mother to the emergency room of my local hospital. We waited and waited for hours and when we finally saw the doctor, she was admitted, ten hours after we got there!
That was just the beginning. She was discharged a few days later and was staying at my home when a bad reaction between medications nearly killed her. A 911 call and and an ER visit later, she was back in the hospital. Then she was a couple weeks in skilled nursing.
Now my mother is back in her own home with home health care and me keeping an eye on her. She's doing well.
Here's the interesting part: I have 3 siblings and 5 nieces and nephews. No one has bothered to do anything - no visits and no calls, EXCEPT for one (short) visit by my oldest brother. When I saw her about an hour later, my mother was all upset. She said my brother cried. CRIED! The reason? He cried because she hadn't called him. Seriously! This grown man, visiting his mother who nearly died a few hours earlier and was still touch and go, cried to his mommy because she made him feel bad by nearly dying and not letting him know!
Are you in that kind of situation too? Are you balancing a career and parental caregiving? Do you have siblings but are the sole caregiver for an aging parent? When you ask for specific help, does the rest of the family tell you they are "too busy" to do anything...practically implying that it's all on you because you have nothing else to do?
If my experience sounds like your own, you aren't alone. There are many people, and mostly women, who are straddled with caregiving while their siblings sit around waiting to see how much money is going to be left at the end.
What can you do?
First, recognize that some siblings habitually make excuses for their bad behavior. Or, like my brother, showed his irresponsibility by making my mother feel that his lack of caring was her fault. It's a technique a lot of people use to get out of doing anything, and not feeling bad about it. If someone is doing this to you, speak up. Don't accept responsibility - especially emotional responsibility - for someone else's failures.
Next, protect yourself. Make sure you incorporate some good thing to look forward to each and every day. Like last Friday, when my stressful mom-morning was erased during a relaxing lunch with a friend and colleague. Over a plate of pasta, a glass of wine and a few laughs, my body relaxed and my mind was stimulated by our lively conversation. I left renewed, and reminded that victories don't happen in a vacuum. Victory happens through attitude, behavior and consciousness.
What about you? Are you a lone ranger caregiver? What have you learned about keeping yourself together that you can share?
That was just the beginning. She was discharged a few days later and was staying at my home when a bad reaction between medications nearly killed her. A 911 call and and an ER visit later, she was back in the hospital. Then she was a couple weeks in skilled nursing.
Now my mother is back in her own home with home health care and me keeping an eye on her. She's doing well.
Here's the interesting part: I have 3 siblings and 5 nieces and nephews. No one has bothered to do anything - no visits and no calls, EXCEPT for one (short) visit by my oldest brother. When I saw her about an hour later, my mother was all upset. She said my brother cried. CRIED! The reason? He cried because she hadn't called him. Seriously! This grown man, visiting his mother who nearly died a few hours earlier and was still touch and go, cried to his mommy because she made him feel bad by nearly dying and not letting him know!
Are you in that kind of situation too? Are you balancing a career and parental caregiving? Do you have siblings but are the sole caregiver for an aging parent? When you ask for specific help, does the rest of the family tell you they are "too busy" to do anything...practically implying that it's all on you because you have nothing else to do?
If my experience sounds like your own, you aren't alone. There are many people, and mostly women, who are straddled with caregiving while their siblings sit around waiting to see how much money is going to be left at the end.
What can you do?
First, recognize that some siblings habitually make excuses for their bad behavior. Or, like my brother, showed his irresponsibility by making my mother feel that his lack of caring was her fault. It's a technique a lot of people use to get out of doing anything, and not feeling bad about it. If someone is doing this to you, speak up. Don't accept responsibility - especially emotional responsibility - for someone else's failures.
Next, protect yourself. Make sure you incorporate some good thing to look forward to each and every day. Like last Friday, when my stressful mom-morning was erased during a relaxing lunch with a friend and colleague. Over a plate of pasta, a glass of wine and a few laughs, my body relaxed and my mind was stimulated by our lively conversation. I left renewed, and reminded that victories don't happen in a vacuum. Victory happens through attitude, behavior and consciousness.
What about you? Are you a lone ranger caregiver? What have you learned about keeping yourself together that you can share?
Friday, September 18, 2009
Is Relaxation a Waste of Time?
I just returned from vacation is Maine. I stay in a somewhat remote part of Mt. Dessert Island, so cellphone and internet access isn't readily available. It always takes a couple days to get used to be disconnected; once I do, however, I really like it!
Now I've been back for a couple days, and I'm already really missing not getting 50 emails a day. And I miss the hiking, afternoon naps, and happy hours. And the views. I'm attaching a couple pictures taken in and around Acadia National Park. It's heaven to me!
Being away reminded me about how important making time for fun and relaxation is. The more I relaxed, the more focused my mind got on what's important about my life and my future. I had so many good ideas; they just seemed to flow. Normally I'm so caught up with everyday routines, that I really noticed the positive difference. I made notes about my ideas so that when I got back to my normal life, I could take action on them.
Now that I'm ho
me, I'm amazed at the insights I had, and the good ideas. It reminds me that I need to add more of that "do nothing" time into my life.How about you? Do you find that you are always so caught up in the agendas of other people that you don't make time to breathe deep, let alone focus on what you want and how to get it?
Leadership is about having a vision and taking your life in the direction of your vision. "Do nothing" time helps you get clear, solve problems, work out the head trash that holds you back. Yet, we are all so busy that we push that special time away.
What ideas do you have for making time for "do nothing" time?
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Book Review: Resilience by Elizabeth Edwards
While I was on vacation, I read Elizabeth Edwards recent book, Resilience: Reflections on the Burdens and Gifts of Facing Life’s Adversities. I was looking forward to the read because I've admired Ms. Edwards for the strong and graceful way she's handled herself while campaigning for her spouse, fighting terminal cancer and dealing with the adultery of spouse John Edwards.
When I finished, I posted a review in my examiner.com column; it wasn't favorable because I felt snookered by title. If it was Reflections, or My Life, I could have warmly accepted this book's content. But Resilience? I didn't feel the title matched the content.
When I got back to work this week, I started reading the comments. Many are the kind of things some women say that encourage other women to keep surviving, settling, limiting their own power. I don't see any victory in accepting the status quo, keeping the peace, putting on a happy face, not wanting to rock the boat, making do, or making sure everyone else is happy and satisfied, all while you are dying inside. That isn't resilience, at best, it's simple survival.
One reader commented that I'm naive. She said there are different "clubs" that we don't choose (illness, betrayal, loss of a child), and implied that I don't understand. Yes, I do. I understand all too well. My understanding colors my viewpoint. Though I'm not a "member" of one of the above mentioned clubs, my earlier life was riddled with family dysfunction, much of which continues to this day...without me being in it. Once I realized that I didn't have to live like that, and could make better choices, I did. I was determined that craziness would not rule my life; I would make a better life for myself. I have. When I knew better, I did better.
Over the past seven years, I've interviewed hundreds of women who have done the same. Most of them did not have Elizabeth Edwards upbringing, education or financial resources. They demonstrated their resilience through illness, betrayal, abuse, etc. The result was victory.
Still, I'm glad I read the book and see Ms. Edwards in a new light. And, in agreement with the general tone of the comments, I say, "God Bless You, Elizabeth!"
You can read the review and comments at http://tinyurl.com/ResilienceBookReview
When I finished, I posted a review in my examiner.com column; it wasn't favorable because I felt snookered by title. If it was Reflections, or My Life, I could have warmly accepted this book's content. But Resilience? I didn't feel the title matched the content.
When I got back to work this week, I started reading the comments. Many are the kind of things some women say that encourage other women to keep surviving, settling, limiting their own power. I don't see any victory in accepting the status quo, keeping the peace, putting on a happy face, not wanting to rock the boat, making do, or making sure everyone else is happy and satisfied, all while you are dying inside. That isn't resilience, at best, it's simple survival.
One reader commented that I'm naive. She said there are different "clubs" that we don't choose (illness, betrayal, loss of a child), and implied that I don't understand. Yes, I do. I understand all too well. My understanding colors my viewpoint. Though I'm not a "member" of one of the above mentioned clubs, my earlier life was riddled with family dysfunction, much of which continues to this day...without me being in it. Once I realized that I didn't have to live like that, and could make better choices, I did. I was determined that craziness would not rule my life; I would make a better life for myself. I have. When I knew better, I did better.
Over the past seven years, I've interviewed hundreds of women who have done the same. Most of them did not have Elizabeth Edwards upbringing, education or financial resources. They demonstrated their resilience through illness, betrayal, abuse, etc. The result was victory.
Still, I'm glad I read the book and see Ms. Edwards in a new light. And, in agreement with the general tone of the comments, I say, "God Bless You, Elizabeth!"
You can read the review and comments at http://tinyurl.com/ResilienceBookReview
Monday, July 13, 2009
Could You Do This? Would You?
Carla and Caroline’s Excellent Adventure.
How cool is this? Carla Wilson, Executive VA, is walking across England – from coast to coast – with her childhood girlfriend, Caroline. This is a long walk…and considered one of the top ten hikes in the world: “190 miles of sheer hiking pleasure, from the Irish Sea to the North Sea, taking in three national parks: the Lake District, where England's highest mountains are found; the long green valleys of the Yorkshire Dales (of James Herriot fame); and the sometimes bleak but often dramatic landscapes of the North Yorkshire Moors.”
Carla and Caroline started planning – and training - for this trip nearly a year ago. They have had obstacles galore, including travel problems with the online service with which they booked their flight. But, in spite of them, Carla and Caroline left on Friday and started hiking on Sunday. They’ll be gone for nearly three weeks.
When I interviewed Carla just before she left, she was beside herself with excitement. She told me that, in addition to savoring the awesomeness of what she was doing, she was glad to have the girlfriend time with Caroline. On top of that, she was looking forward being alone with her thoughts and letting her mind relax into daydreaming some new goals.
When I asked Carla how her family felt about her being gone so long, she laughed. She said that her spouse was already missing her but her teenage son seemed glad to have his doting mom away for a while. But then her voice got more serious as she explained that her mother-in-law is very ill, and has been for a long time. Part of Carla's planning included a long conversation with her spouse about what to do if she should pass away while Carla’s gone. In the end, they agreed that she won’t shortcut her trip. Pretty courageous move, for both of them.
In the same serious vein, Carla told me that her trip coincides with the one-year anniversary of her cousin’s death from melanoma. To keep her motivated, Carla said, “I felt I needed to walk with a higher purpose.” So the women set up a website seeking donations for melanoma research so they “can help kick cancer’s butt!” They already reached 50% of their goal of $1900. Their donation page is http://tinyurl.com/carla-and-caroline
In addition, each day Carla is walking with the name of someone they know who has cancer. On one day of their trip, they’ll be walking for Theresa Hummel, who’s been battling cancer most of this year. She's the awesome mother of my colleague and friend Theresa Hummel Krallinger.
What about you? Victory is about life leadership. It's about making that stretch out of your comfort zone and step into your greater and more powerful self - the person you were born to be. So...
If you need some help, join me in the fall for one of several teleseminars I'm offering that will help you get started. The fall seminar schedule comes out August 1. Get yours delivered to you by email in the Victorious Woman e-newsletter: http://www.victoriouswoman.com.
In victory,
Annmarie
How cool is this? Carla Wilson, Executive VA, is walking across England – from coast to coast – with her childhood girlfriend, Caroline. This is a long walk…and considered one of the top ten hikes in the world: “190 miles of sheer hiking pleasure, from the Irish Sea to the North Sea, taking in three national parks: the Lake District, where England's highest mountains are found; the long green valleys of the Yorkshire Dales (of James Herriot fame); and the sometimes bleak but often dramatic landscapes of the North Yorkshire Moors.”
Carla and Caroline started planning – and training - for this trip nearly a year ago. They have had obstacles galore, including travel problems with the online service with which they booked their flight. But, in spite of them, Carla and Caroline left on Friday and started hiking on Sunday. They’ll be gone for nearly three weeks.
When I interviewed Carla just before she left, she was beside herself with excitement. She told me that, in addition to savoring the awesomeness of what she was doing, she was glad to have the girlfriend time with Caroline. On top of that, she was looking forward being alone with her thoughts and letting her mind relax into daydreaming some new goals.
When I asked Carla how her family felt about her being gone so long, she laughed. She said that her spouse was already missing her but her teenage son seemed glad to have his doting mom away for a while. But then her voice got more serious as she explained that her mother-in-law is very ill, and has been for a long time. Part of Carla's planning included a long conversation with her spouse about what to do if she should pass away while Carla’s gone. In the end, they agreed that she won’t shortcut her trip. Pretty courageous move, for both of them.
In the same serious vein, Carla told me that her trip coincides with the one-year anniversary of her cousin’s death from melanoma. To keep her motivated, Carla said, “I felt I needed to walk with a higher purpose.” So the women set up a website seeking donations for melanoma research so they “can help kick cancer’s butt!” They already reached 50% of their goal of $1900. Their donation page is http://tinyurl.com/carla-and-caroline
In addition, each day Carla is walking with the name of someone they know who has cancer. On one day of their trip, they’ll be walking for Theresa Hummel, who’s been battling cancer most of this year. She's the awesome mother of my colleague and friend Theresa Hummel Krallinger.
What about you? Victory is about life leadership. It's about making that stretch out of your comfort zone and step into your greater and more powerful self - the person you were born to be. So...
- Do you have an adventure that you dream about?
- Have you been putting it off because you don’t have the money, or the time, or you don’t think you can leave your family, or you’re afraid something “big” will happen while you are away?
- What if you stopped procrastinating and started moving forward…what would you do and how would you do it?
If you need some help, join me in the fall for one of several teleseminars I'm offering that will help you get started. The fall seminar schedule comes out August 1. Get yours delivered to you by email in the Victorious Woman e-newsletter: http://www.victoriouswoman.com.
In victory,
Annmarie
Monday, June 29, 2009
Jenny Sanford Takes The Lead!
Women everywhere are applauding Jenny Sanford! After years of feeling embarrassed when seeing the public humiliation of “stand by your man” political spouses, women were generally thrilled to see a better model.
Unlike Mrs. Clinton, Mrs. McGreevy, and Mrs. Spitzer before her, to name just a few, Jenny Sanford let the man who dishonored her stand alone while he told his constituents that he was a liar and a cheat. A few days later, as though reporters thought it mattered to her, they asked Ms. Sanford about the governor’s political future. With absolute certainty, she told them it wasn’t her concern. She didn’t care. And, after all, if he was so careless with his career, why should she do anything to help him save it?
Doesn't it make you wonder with so much at stake, why men cheat?
I asked a lot of men that question. said some just shrugged and said they didn’t know. Some just shrugged, others said the men were stupid. But many men echoed the sentiments of one bottom-line guy who admitted, ‘men do it because they can.’ In a society that embraces a sliding moral scale and celebrates instant gratification, cheaters find an abundance of excuses to defend their bad behavior. These days, even ‘it just happened’ has become a justification for adultery (for both men and women).”
Don't you think that's one of the most annoyingly dishonest tales anyone can ever tell? And who believes it anyway? Nobody! C'mon, we all know there’s a lot time between loving one’s spouse in a committed relationship, then meeting another person, exchanging a few emails and escalating the casual conversation into an affair. The logistics alone demand some kind of thought process. Cheating doesn’t ‘just happen’ any place but in erotic books.
Here are four things a spouse who's been cheated on can do to take back control of their lives:
1 - Let the dog clean up his own mess. Sure, maybe you still love him. But remember, all the while you were loving him and taking care of his home and family, he was getting his kicks with someone else.
2 - Get angry! Dig down to your deepest places and let the emotion out. Scream it out, journal it out, break things, whatever you need to do to vent that emotion. Those feelings of ‘how dare he?” and “how could he do that to me?” are really strong, especially if you feel you’ve accommodated him in every way you could.
3 – Think of yourself. You didn’t make this happen, so don’t blame yourself. Also, you are likely to suffer some serious depression, which can result in self-destructive and even life-threatening reactions. Why should that happen to you for some behavior you didn’t initiate? Think about what you need to do for yourself and…
4 - Seek qualified help. Once you start letting go of some of your initial anger, you need to sort out your feelings. If you have children, they need to do the same. Find a qualified therapist and make weekly appointments – more often if they help. The sooner you start making some sense of your feelings, the sooner you will heal. There’s no reason to let this awful thing result in a health issue that destroys your life.
No one wants to have their marriage turn out like this, but it happens. I think harsher attitudes toward cheating could make it happen less. I think Jenny Sanford is showing the way.
What do you think?
Also, what other suggestions to you have for spouses who've been cheated on??
Unlike Mrs. Clinton, Mrs. McGreevy, and Mrs. Spitzer before her, to name just a few, Jenny Sanford let the man who dishonored her stand alone while he told his constituents that he was a liar and a cheat. A few days later, as though reporters thought it mattered to her, they asked Ms. Sanford about the governor’s political future. With absolute certainty, she told them it wasn’t her concern. She didn’t care. And, after all, if he was so careless with his career, why should she do anything to help him save it?
Doesn't it make you wonder with so much at stake, why men cheat?
I asked a lot of men that question. said some just shrugged and said they didn’t know. Some just shrugged, others said the men were stupid. But many men echoed the sentiments of one bottom-line guy who admitted, ‘men do it because they can.’ In a society that embraces a sliding moral scale and celebrates instant gratification, cheaters find an abundance of excuses to defend their bad behavior. These days, even ‘it just happened’ has become a justification for adultery (for both men and women).”
Don't you think that's one of the most annoyingly dishonest tales anyone can ever tell? And who believes it anyway? Nobody! C'mon, we all know there’s a lot time between loving one’s spouse in a committed relationship, then meeting another person, exchanging a few emails and escalating the casual conversation into an affair. The logistics alone demand some kind of thought process. Cheating doesn’t ‘just happen’ any place but in erotic books.
Here are four things a spouse who's been cheated on can do to take back control of their lives:
1 - Let the dog clean up his own mess. Sure, maybe you still love him. But remember, all the while you were loving him and taking care of his home and family, he was getting his kicks with someone else.
2 - Get angry! Dig down to your deepest places and let the emotion out. Scream it out, journal it out, break things, whatever you need to do to vent that emotion. Those feelings of ‘how dare he?” and “how could he do that to me?” are really strong, especially if you feel you’ve accommodated him in every way you could.
3 – Think of yourself. You didn’t make this happen, so don’t blame yourself. Also, you are likely to suffer some serious depression, which can result in self-destructive and even life-threatening reactions. Why should that happen to you for some behavior you didn’t initiate? Think about what you need to do for yourself and…
4 - Seek qualified help. Once you start letting go of some of your initial anger, you need to sort out your feelings. If you have children, they need to do the same. Find a qualified therapist and make weekly appointments – more often if they help. The sooner you start making some sense of your feelings, the sooner you will heal. There’s no reason to let this awful thing result in a health issue that destroys your life.
No one wants to have their marriage turn out like this, but it happens. I think harsher attitudes toward cheating could make it happen less. I think Jenny Sanford is showing the way.
What do you think?
Also, what other suggestions to you have for spouses who've been cheated on??
Monday, June 15, 2009
Victorious Woman Contest Winners!
Our five judges are finished and made their picks. The returning judges told me that the essays this year were, overall, even better than 2008. Thank you to all of you who sent contest entries!!
The winners of the 2009 Victorious Woman Essay Contest are:
1st Prize:Amy Sherman
Overcoming Adversity: We're All Winners
2nd Prize: Amalia Starr
Second Chances
3rd Prize: Donna Johnson
Dancing in the Rain
CONGRATULATIONS TO EACH OF YOU!!
The winning essays will be posted online over the next few months. In fact, right now you can read about Amy Sherman’s health challenge, how she dealt with it and what she's doing now at: http://www.victoriouswoman.com/vwmonth.htm
The 2010 Victorious Woman Essay Contest will open up in March of next year. To get on the early-notification list and also receive other Victorious Woman updates and news, sign up for the Victorious Voices newsletter at: http://www.victoriouswoman.com
Make this month a victorious one!
Annmarie
The winners of the 2009 Victorious Woman Essay Contest are:
1st Prize:Amy Sherman
Overcoming Adversity: We're All Winners
2nd Prize: Amalia Starr
Second Chances
3rd Prize: Donna Johnson
Dancing in the Rain
CONGRATULATIONS TO EACH OF YOU!!
The winning essays will be posted online over the next few months. In fact, right now you can read about Amy Sherman’s health challenge, how she dealt with it and what she's doing now at: http://www.victoriouswoman.com/vwmonth.htm
The 2010 Victorious Woman Essay Contest will open up in March of next year. To get on the early-notification list and also receive other Victorious Woman updates and news, sign up for the Victorious Voices newsletter at: http://www.victoriouswoman.com
Make this month a victorious one!
Annmarie
Friday, May 8, 2009
The Teal Tea
Last Sunday I drove to
Brief background: Jean beat ovarian cancer TWICE! She’s now past the five year marker (the 2nd one). Jean, like our other Victorious Woman Honorees, is using her challenge of a lifetime and subsequent victory to educate, encourage and inspire other women who are battling cancer. She’s doing that through the Teal Tea Foundation. Its mission is to raise awareness about ovarian cancer and its detection and support research for the cure. time). You can read Jean’s story at http://www.victoriouswoman.com/vwmonth.htm.
The Teal Tea: If you are like me, your heart would have been uplifted when you entered the hotel ballroom and saw the specially - and spectacularly - decorated tables, each one different. The room was filled with the 300+ guests, mostly women. The air was charged with their energy and enthusiasm; it reverberated throughout the room.
When I arrived at the Teal Tea, its publicist Mary Jane Crawford was my guide. I sat between Lois, a cancer survivor, and Vanessa, whose mother and grandmother died from cancer. Thank you each for making me feel welcome!!
After the award presentation, Jean introduced me to
During the whole event, Jean Shipos worked tirelessly. Her passion for making the event both fun and purposeful was evident. She barely sat down; between coordinating events with the leader of the wonderful jazz band, overseeing the competitions for “Best Table” or “Best Hat” or watching out for Mr. & Mrs. Teal Tea, Jean was busy from beginning to end.
Of course, and Jean would be the first to tell you, she didn't do it alone. She had so many volunteers that it seemed as though all the attendees doubled as volunteers. That’s because everyone knew they were there because (1) they want to find a better detection tool for finding ovarian cancer and (2) they want to find a cure so that no one else, or no one's loved one, has to hear that devastating diagnosis.
It won’t be long before Jean Shipos starts getting ready for the 2010 Teal Tea. If you would like to donate to her cause – money, sponsorship, gifts for silent auction or anything else, Jean would love to talk with you. You can learn more about the Teal Tea at http://www.tealtea.com.
Last Chance: If you haven't downloaded the 2009 Victory Calendar yet, do it now: http://tinyurl.com/victory09
You still have time to enter the Victorious Woman Essay Contest: http://www.victoriouswoman.com/vwcontest.htm
Thursday, May 7, 2009
What Mom's Really Want for Mother's Day
Wherever I go, it seems women are talking about how they don't feel anyone appreciates what they do for their families, their work, etc. Most moms feel they are there for their families, but when mom needs them to step up and do something for her, everyone seems to get busy.
So, when it comes to Mother's Day, I can't tell you how many women tell me how they put a smile on their face and say thank you for what their children give them - knowing that tomorrow they'll go back to being the invisible family member.
Here's a link to the article...let me know how you feel about it: http://tinyurl.com/whatmomwants
So, when it comes to Mother's Day, I can't tell you how many women tell me how they put a smile on their face and say thank you for what their children give them - knowing that tomorrow they'll go back to being the invisible family member.
Here's a link to the article...let me know how you feel about it: http://tinyurl.com/whatmomwants
Friday, May 1, 2009
Thirty-One Tips for Victory
To help you connect with your inner Victorious Woman, the Victorious Woman Project has a free download of the Victorious Woman Month Calendar. Each day has a tip for connecting with your amazing Victorious Woman SELF - and inviting others to join you in this wonderful celebration of women.
It's fun and inspiring, and available at http://tinyurl.com/victory09
It's fun and inspiring, and available at http://tinyurl.com/victory09
Victorious Woman Month Starts Today!
May is International Victorious Woman Month.
The Victorious Woman Project, whose mission is to empower women to love their lives and live victoriously, is kicking off its annual Victorious Woman Month celebrations, starting with the Victorious Woman Essay Contest. The contest, open to all women worldwide, acknoledeges women for their specific achievements.
Unlike some awards which recognize specifc goals, the Victorious Woman Essay Contest welcomes women to showcase the emotional stretch they made to overcome obstacles they faced on their journey. Contest closes on May 13 and winners will be announced on May 30.
In addition to the annual contest, author and speaker Annmarie Kelly is offering three free teleseminars, the very special Victorious Woman Month Calendar (free download), will be featured on the radio and is hosting the annual Victorious Woman Celebration on May 28
How can you get involved?
1 - Sign on to the Victorious Woman mailing list for event listings announcements: www.victoriouswoman.com
2 - Enter the Victorious Woman Essay Contest - there's still time, you have until May 13 to submit your entry: http://www.victoriouswoman.com/vwcontest.htm
3 - Download the calendar and do the suggested activities: http://tinyurl.com/victory09
4 - Create your own Victorious Woman celebration May 28 and get your friends celebrating their own and each other's victories
Have an incredible and VICTORIOUS Month!
The Victorious Woman Project, whose mission is to empower women to love their lives and live victoriously, is kicking off its annual Victorious Woman Month celebrations, starting with the Victorious Woman Essay Contest. The contest, open to all women worldwide, acknoledeges women for their specific achievements.
Unlike some awards which recognize specifc goals, the Victorious Woman Essay Contest welcomes women to showcase the emotional stretch they made to overcome obstacles they faced on their journey. Contest closes on May 13 and winners will be announced on May 30.
In addition to the annual contest, author and speaker Annmarie Kelly is offering three free teleseminars, the very special Victorious Woman Month Calendar (free download), will be featured on the radio and is hosting the annual Victorious Woman Celebration on May 28
How can you get involved?
1 - Sign on to the Victorious Woman mailing list for event listings announcements: www.victoriouswoman.com
2 - Enter the Victorious Woman Essay Contest - there's still time, you have until May 13 to submit your entry: http://www.victoriouswoman.com/vwcontest.htm
3 - Download the calendar and do the suggested activities: http://tinyurl.com/victory09
4 - Create your own Victorious Woman celebration May 28 and get your friends celebrating their own and each other's victories
Have an incredible and VICTORIOUS Month!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Susan Boyle - More than Britain's Talent
If you didn’t see and hear Susan Boyle on Britain’s Got Talent, check her out on YouTube.
Susan Boyle is a 47-year-old woman who says she’s never been kissed, in fact, she said she’s never even had a date. She still lives in the house in which she grew up and cared for her parents. Before dying, Susan’s mother told Susan to make something of herself. When Simon Cowell asked her why she hadn’t been successful with a singing career until now, Susan said she’d never been given the chance. She hoped the reality show would be her opportunity.
Can you imagine how Susan Boyle felt? Don’t you wonder how she had the guts to get on that stage? Then, after subtle mocking from not only Simon but the whole audience, don't you wonder how she still kept it together enough to sing...magnificently?
Susan Boyle did five things that opened the door for her: She believed in honoring her commitments, she honed her skill, never gave up, didn’t let her age stop her, and she showed up.
“So what?” you say, "What’s that mean to me?"
Maybe everything. Like Susan Boyle, you don't know where life is going to take you. If life hasn’t turned out the way you wanted, you don't pack it in. Instead, you do what Boyle did, you keep doing your best so that when opportunity comes your way, you're ready. Following Boyle's lead, here's how:
- Make a commitment to yourself and be serious about honoring it. It might also help if you commit to someone else, as in an accountability partner
- Keep practicing what you do best. Maybe it’s not singing in the choir. Maybe your talent is organization and the only practice you get is organizing and managing the volunteers at your child’s school. Keep doing it. Recently, I met a woman whose talent is sewing. One day she made a handbag that got so many compliments, she began making and selling them. In one year, her hobby has grown into a business and a nice income.
- NEVER give up. A dream deferred isn’t a dream denied.
- Too old? Nonsense! Sometimes opportunities come your way with the confidence of experience.
- SHOW UP – if you are always turning your back on an opportunity or saying “no, not now”, nothing will ever happen. You have to show up in your life by saying ‘yes’ to opportunities.
No matter where you are in your life, don’t go quietly into some obscure quiet life. Follow the Victorious Woman Model, just as Susan Boyle did, and LIVE OUT LOUD, IN LIVING COLOR.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Honoring Kay Presto During Women's Heritage Month
When I first found out about Kay Presto, I was really impressed with what she managed to do in motor sports at a time when women weren't very welcome. I could hardly wait to talk to her. That's when (nod to Paul Harvey) I got "the rest of the story."It was 1971 and Kay was only at the car races that day because her daughter was "queen" of the annual event. In fact, when the sports editor of the local paper asked her to write a column, she told him she had no experience. Kay didn't really want the job; she had just left a job so she could write a book and finish raising her four children. But the more she resisted, the more he insisted.
Back then, Kay had no idea what was in store for her. Kay became the first woman photojournalist in motor sports and carved out a career that excites her to this day. Her experiences are great reminders of how far women have come, and that's why she is the special Women's Heritage Month Victorious Woman Honoree.
Kay is such fun to talk to and, each time I have, I've left our conversations inspired and energized. You will be too when you read Kay Presto's story at http://www.victoriouswoman.com/vwmonth.htm
Monday, March 2, 2009
Resilience Triumphes Tragedy
“I couldn’t have imagined that when I got out of the car that day, it would be the last time I would stand alone on my own two feet.”
Rosemarie Rossetti was talking about the day in 1998 that changed her life. It happened the weekend of Rosemarie and Mark’s 3rd wedding anniversary, on a beautiful Saturday afternoon in mid-June. Rosemarie and Mark decided the early summer weather was perfect for a bike ride. The couple mounted their bikes on the car and drove to their favorite bike path, a former railroad track that was part of Ohio’s “rails to trails” system. They rode side by side for a while, and then Rosemarie got a little bit ahead of Mark.
All of a sudden, there was a sound like a gunshot. Looking around, Rosemarie heard Mark shouting at her. She heard the panic in Mark's voice, took it as a warning, and sped up. It wasn’t what Mark was screaming for Rosemarie to do. What Mark saw when he looked around wasn’t someone with a gun. Instead, Mark saw was a 3.5 ton tree, laced with live electric power lines, falling toward Rosemarie. Mark watched helplessly as the tree crashed down, right on top of her. Rosemarie never knew what hit her.
Rosemarie's journey of resilience is a model for all of us - especially now, when all we seem to hear are the "ain't it awful" stories. As I said in my Fall'08 newsletter, "Though there’s no shortage of fear-laced, ominous messages about our economy, if you look at our history, DOWNTURNS – whether they are worldwide or personal – NEVER LAST FOREVER. Unless you let them." Rosemarie could have given up but as you'll read in her story, she took back her life. You will too!
Read Rosemarie's story and tell us your thoughts - including how you are being resilient and taking back your life. Also, learn more about Rosemarie Rossetti and about her Universal Design Living Laboratory.
In Victory,
Annmarie
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Poverty to Prosperity for Hispanic Victorious Woman
When little Connie Harryman found the purple gloves in the dumping ground where her family scavenged, she was only dreaming of success. As she grew up, she could easily have gotten sidetracked by life's twists and turns...but she didn't.
Instead, Connie dug down inside and found her victorious self. As a result, she made her dreams come true. How she did it is the reason The Victorious Woman Project honored Connie as its January 2009 Victorious Woman.
Read her story and let me know what you think. Also, check out Connie's website.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Chatting with Dr. Sally Witt
What fun!
Last Saturday I was on Dr. Sally Witt's radio show on Blog Talk Radio. I know Dr. Sally, the "social networking maven" through the National Speaker's Association. She knows more than anyone I know about the business of social networking and recently spoke for our internet marketing conference...and received RAVE reviews. Dr. Sally combines a gentle, loving style with a natural effervescence. I had a lot of fun as we talked, laughed and shared information and women, success and victory. I think you'd enjoy listening to it so I linked the audio to the title of this blog.
Dr. Sally's radio show features experts on an eclectic group topics. For example, her guest on Friday was Tom Gray, an internet marketing guru. On Saturday's show, Dr. Sally teamed up with Heather Jumah of WealthSuccessandWomen, Inc., a site dedicated to empowering women through entrepreneurship. I was their first guest and was followed by Ruth Clark. Ruth started a company called Fashion Moves and designs clothing for people with disabilities. Her focus is on minimizing dressing challenges "for people who use wheelchairs or have other personal clothing needs" so those challenges don't interfere with their business and success. This week, guests include Daryl Snyder of Elevision and psychic Carol Obley.
Let me know how you like the show. I'd love your feedback.
Here are some websites you want to check out:
Sally Witt: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/drsallywit and dr.sallywitt.com
Heather Jumah: http://wealthsuccessandwomen.com/
Ruth Clark: http://www.fashionmoves.org/
Tom Gray: http://www.gemsolv.com/wordpress/
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Caroline Kennedy and Karyn Greenstreet: The Million Dollar Difference
“I’m short, fat and have red hair.”
That’s how Karyn Greenstreet told me I’d recognize her. I laughed when she said it; her self-deprecating humor tickled me. A few days later, when meeting the well-known speaker and business coach at a conference, in a crowded hotel lobby, I recognized her instantly, and liked her immediately. Everything about Karyn was congruent and seemed to add to her confidence, which in turn, added to her credibility. By day’s end, everyone who attended her sessions felt the same way.
Congruency is something I think too few of us understand when it comes to success and our careers. According to the research, people make up their minds about us within the first second or two of meeting us. If we aren’t crystal clear about who we are and what we’re doing, it comes across. When we aren’t congruent, it’s almost like putting an invisible question mark over our name and image. Then, no matter how good we are in our entrepreneurial or corporate ventures, the cloud of uncertainty sticks in the minds of those we meet; unfortunately, it negatively impacts our career – and usually we can never figure out why.
It’s like Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg. For all the political power of the Kennedy machine, most people thought that Caroline Kennedy either didn’t really want the job or wasn’t qualified for it. It didn’t matter that her press statements insisted that she believed she would make a good senator for New York. When it came to her interviews, her incongruence was painfully obvious. Even worse, it was in stark contrast to the strong messages she conveyed during appearances in support of then-candidate Barack Obama. Unfortunately, when it came to her own prospects for Congress, Ms. Schlossberg never really seemed to embrace the idea of political life. In the end, she withdrew her name from consideration.
Do you think you are more like Karyn Greenstreet or Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg? How congruent are you? Does everything match? Do your attitudes and words match your look and behaviors?
If you aren’t getting where you want to go, maybe you need to look inside as well as outside, and ask yourself if the messages you are sending out to the public line up with what’s going on in your head and heart. Maybe there conflicts going on that you might not be aware of, but which others can clearly see.
If you don’t feel your passion for a business or a topic, others will feel it. If you are touting talking points you don’t fully embrace, others will know. If your work doesn’t match your values, it will show.
Which brings me back to Karyn Greenstreet…
Karyn’s passion is small business. Earlier this month she spoke for my National Speakers Association Mid-Atlantic chapter’s annual conference. She spoke about Search Engine Optimization (SEO) for small businesses. She delivered two great presentations and wowed our attendees with her knowledge and generosity in sharing information. Her coaching business is thriving and I believe it isn’t only because she’s knows her stuff. She does, of course, but also, she’s totally jazzed about what she does. She’s authentic from the inside out – and so self-accepting that she makes short, fat and red hair a plus for her image. People see her, feel how real she is, and believe she’s got what they need.
Check out Karyn’s website at www.passionforbusiness.com
That’s how Karyn Greenstreet told me I’d recognize her. I laughed when she said it; her self-deprecating humor tickled me. A few days later, when meeting the well-known speaker and business coach at a conference, in a crowded hotel lobby, I recognized her instantly, and liked her immediately. Everything about Karyn was congruent and seemed to add to her confidence, which in turn, added to her credibility. By day’s end, everyone who attended her sessions felt the same way.
Congruency is something I think too few of us understand when it comes to success and our careers. According to the research, people make up their minds about us within the first second or two of meeting us. If we aren’t crystal clear about who we are and what we’re doing, it comes across. When we aren’t congruent, it’s almost like putting an invisible question mark over our name and image. Then, no matter how good we are in our entrepreneurial or corporate ventures, the cloud of uncertainty sticks in the minds of those we meet; unfortunately, it negatively impacts our career – and usually we can never figure out why.
It’s like Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg. For all the political power of the Kennedy machine, most people thought that Caroline Kennedy either didn’t really want the job or wasn’t qualified for it. It didn’t matter that her press statements insisted that she believed she would make a good senator for New York. When it came to her interviews, her incongruence was painfully obvious. Even worse, it was in stark contrast to the strong messages she conveyed during appearances in support of then-candidate Barack Obama. Unfortunately, when it came to her own prospects for Congress, Ms. Schlossberg never really seemed to embrace the idea of political life. In the end, she withdrew her name from consideration.
Do you think you are more like Karyn Greenstreet or Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg? How congruent are you? Does everything match? Do your attitudes and words match your look and behaviors?
If you aren’t getting where you want to go, maybe you need to look inside as well as outside, and ask yourself if the messages you are sending out to the public line up with what’s going on in your head and heart. Maybe there conflicts going on that you might not be aware of, but which others can clearly see.
If you don’t feel your passion for a business or a topic, others will feel it. If you are touting talking points you don’t fully embrace, others will know. If your work doesn’t match your values, it will show.
Which brings me back to Karyn Greenstreet…
Karyn’s passion is small business. Earlier this month she spoke for my National Speakers Association Mid-Atlantic chapter’s annual conference. She spoke about Search Engine Optimization (SEO) for small businesses. She delivered two great presentations and wowed our attendees with her knowledge and generosity in sharing information. Her coaching business is thriving and I believe it isn’t only because she’s knows her stuff. She does, of course, but also, she’s totally jazzed about what she does. She’s authentic from the inside out – and so self-accepting that she makes short, fat and red hair a plus for her image. People see her, feel how real she is, and believe she’s got what they need.
Check out Karyn’s website at www.passionforbusiness.com
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
New Year's Resolution - Success Tips for Women
New Year, New You, right? HARDLY!
Did you know that women are more likely than men to make New Year's Resolutions (74% vs. 58%), yet only 14% of women actually succeed in following through on their good intentions? What happens?
I think it's that we tend to underestimate how much emotional energy we need to succeed. If you ask a hundred women why they quit working on a specific goal (and I have), most of the reasons will boil down to being emotionally worn out. The average woman gives so much to so many, and usually keeps very little for herself. It's one of the key ways we differ from men.”
As you plan to ring in 2009, I have some tips that takes emotional meltdowns into consideration. This year, you'll not only make a resolution, but be successful in keeping it. Here are the first two:
1. Pump Up The Passion. If accomplishing your New Year’s Resolution seems like a lot of work that doesn’t give you a lot of benefit, you’ll fail. Your reward has to outweigh the challenges.
What is it about your resolution that really jazzes you? For instance, why do you want a promotion? If you want it because it will give you more money or power, in what specific ways will money or power make your life better, happier or more satisfying? List the benefits and keep adding to them. Make the end result so incredibly attractive that you’ll keep going when the going gets tough – and it will.
2. Think ahead. As you planned recent holiday events, did you think about that one guest who doesn't eat meat, and made sure there was something vegetarian on the menu? Or what about the relative that is moody or drinks to much - didn't you anticipate what could go wrong and make a plan to handle it? Of course, you did. Women do it all the time for everyone else, both in and out of work, but we usually don’t think to apply the same process to our own success.
What do you think can be an obstacle to your success? If you want to get thin, what usually gets in your way of losing weight? Maybe you get home from work and just eat whatever is available, or eat fast food. So preplan your meals, including a quick snack that you can eat while you get the meal ready.
If you want to get a promotion at work, what do you think will stop you? Are you the kind of person who plays herself too small? Then get a book that will help you do better. I like the book BRAG! by Peggy Klaus. In fact, my Dangerous Dining Book Club read it in November, and we all agreed that we could learn to brag better.
Check back during January for more tips. And, email me to share ones that you've had success with...I look forward to hearing from you.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Did you know that women are more likely than men to make New Year's Resolutions (74% vs. 58%), yet only 14% of women actually succeed in following through on their good intentions? What happens?
I think it's that we tend to underestimate how much emotional energy we need to succeed. If you ask a hundred women why they quit working on a specific goal (and I have), most of the reasons will boil down to being emotionally worn out. The average woman gives so much to so many, and usually keeps very little for herself. It's one of the key ways we differ from men.”
As you plan to ring in 2009, I have some tips that takes emotional meltdowns into consideration. This year, you'll not only make a resolution, but be successful in keeping it. Here are the first two:
1. Pump Up The Passion. If accomplishing your New Year’s Resolution seems like a lot of work that doesn’t give you a lot of benefit, you’ll fail. Your reward has to outweigh the challenges.
What is it about your resolution that really jazzes you? For instance, why do you want a promotion? If you want it because it will give you more money or power, in what specific ways will money or power make your life better, happier or more satisfying? List the benefits and keep adding to them. Make the end result so incredibly attractive that you’ll keep going when the going gets tough – and it will.
2. Think ahead. As you planned recent holiday events, did you think about that one guest who doesn't eat meat, and made sure there was something vegetarian on the menu? Or what about the relative that is moody or drinks to much - didn't you anticipate what could go wrong and make a plan to handle it? Of course, you did. Women do it all the time for everyone else, both in and out of work, but we usually don’t think to apply the same process to our own success.
What do you think can be an obstacle to your success? If you want to get thin, what usually gets in your way of losing weight? Maybe you get home from work and just eat whatever is available, or eat fast food. So preplan your meals, including a quick snack that you can eat while you get the meal ready.
If you want to get a promotion at work, what do you think will stop you? Are you the kind of person who plays herself too small? Then get a book that will help you do better. I like the book BRAG! by Peggy Klaus. In fact, my Dangerous Dining Book Club read it in November, and we all agreed that we could learn to brag better.
Check back during January for more tips. And, email me to share ones that you've had success with...I look forward to hearing from you.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Friday, December 26, 2008
Washington Crossed the Delaware on Christmas - and So Did I!
It was freezing that day in 1776. General George Washington and his troops crossed from Pennsylvania into New Jersey during the American Revolutionary War. Washington devised the battle plan in an effort the keep British troops at bay. The strategy required his troops to cross the half-frozen river on a bitter cold Christmas day. It was a daring move, and it could have been a disaster, but it wasn't.
Every year, the famous crossing is reenacted. This year I was part of it. I didn't cross the river by boat (no one did - the waters were wild and dangerous), but I did walk across the Delaware on a wooden foot bridge. Bridges are a challenge for me, and when the opportunity appeared, I thought twice about going. But, using the steel handrail to steady myself, I took the 30-40 minute walk to New Jersey and back. It wasn't too cold and I dressed warmly, but the swirling waters beneath me made me a little dizzy...and I second-guessed my decision.
When I got back on solid ground, I was glad. I think it's good for me to move out of my comfort zone and challenge myself - and I think it's good for you too. I have some "getting started" ideas in my current newsletter. You can get the current issue by clicking on this post's title.
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