Are You Making Yourself a Victim?

I had the best email this morning from a young woman who is working abroad. She told me she's been thinking about her values, which is one of the topics in my ecourse. She's chosen three values that have the highest importance to her: family, travel, diversity. She plans to create her future around those values. I'm so excited for her!!

Why? Because her values will determine what really matters in her life. Behaviors follow values. When she knows what's most important, she'll know who and what to say 'yes' to and when to walk away.

Somebody smart (cannot recall who) once said, "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." Your values are what you stand for. Think about it. If you value being authentic, you'll look for friends who like you just as you are. However, if you value acceptance at all costs, you'll do anything just so people will like you. In my coaching and workshops, I often see women with such a need to be accepted that they settle for whatever they can get in relationships, jobs, behaviors. Being authentic positions them for victory, while people-pleasing most often makes them victims.

What about you? Are you one of the many women and men who don't know what values are most important to them?

If you are, here's a starter question: Which do you value more, the latest fashion (or gadget) or financial peace? If you value the "stuff" then you are likely to spend your money and, unless you're Paris Hilton, you'll live with debt. I know a man who has to have the latest everything and brags about what he has to everyone he sees. He has taken from and hurt everyone who's ever cared about, loved or trusted him. He's a broken-down man with few friends and no substance...but he has storage bins full of stuff collecting dust (and costing money).

If that doesn't sound appealing, maybe you value financial peace. If you do, you are likely to pass on the instant gratification of new-new-new and instead live on what you earn and even put some money aside for future needs. One couple I know lives on a cash-only basis. Their house and cars are paid for, they put two children through college without debt, they travel occasionally and are still happy being together.

Which one sounds more like you...or are you someplace in between? If you think you're on the road to becoming like that guy instead of the couple, and want to make a change, here's the good stuff: if you don't like how your life is now, you can change it by simply starting with a change of your values. If you aren't sure what your values are, here are some you can consider: freedom, independence, self-esteem, love, joy, fun, balance, security, money, financial independence.
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Spend some time this month thinking about and choosing the five values you are willing to organize your life around. If you want my ecourse, it's available free. Just send me an email at ecourse@victoriouswoman.com).