Women, Religion and Victory

I’ve had some interesting emails lately. One in particular aggitated me. It was from a woman who left a verbally abusive marriage after thirty-one years. When she left, her church pastor – you know, the person who is supposed to provide spiritual guidance - put her picture on the large screen of the church floor with the caption: "Conduct Unbecoming A Child of God." You might question whether this “holy man” was living in the Dark Ages or presume it’s an isolated case of a clergyman gone goofy-fanatical.

Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time I’ve heard this kind of story. I’ve talked to many women who sought help through their church, only to be told they had an obligation to stay with the man who was hurting them. In one case, the man tried everything to get the woman back. When nothing worked, he asked a priest to visit her. The priest told the woman she was committing a sin against God. He told her to go back to her abusive husband and offer her suffering up to Christ. She did, and lived in fear and disrespect with him for over thirty years.

So, good readers, I’m sharing my view on love, abuse and God. First of all, love doesn’t harm. It isn’t always pretty and romantic, but it doesn’t damage your self-esteem, your self-worth or put you in physical danger. If you are in a relationship that does – whether through verbal, mental or emotional abuse – get out…NOW! Or, at least make a plan to get out.

Secondly, if you believe in God and that you have a soul, then you can be sure of this: your soul is the spark of God in you. You are obliged to honor and nurture that spark. Allowing anyone – you included – to desecrate that spark is wrong. So, if someone is bullying you, or disrespecting you in some way, they are doing it to the God-in-you. If you staying in a relationship with a spouse, child, sibling, coworker or anyone who tries to extinguish that spark, then you aren’t caring or nurturing the spark that is God-in-you.

Finally, any religious who tells you to tolerate abuse isn’t just wrong…they are a disgrace to the religion and the God they profess to honor.

Lessons Learned: When I was educated to the fact that I’m supposed to protect the God-in-me, it made a huge difference in my development. I grew up with one physically abusive brother. In addition, it was a competition between me and my siblings to see who could “zing” someone the best. The more verbally or emotionally abusive you comments were, the better...you won.

When I went out on my own, and had better inforation about life and love, I felt obligated to stand up and speak up. I came to believe that it wasn’t just about me alone, but also about honoring the God-in-me. I chose to change myself first, then find people who were better matches for how I wanted to live. As is always the process…and the journey…I changed my thinking, then I changed my behavior. It was one of the stepping stones that helped me to get to victory.

I hope it will be one of yours.

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